5 tips — How to recognize forced marriage?
Recognising a forced marriage can be tricky, especially if you don’t want to offend anyone’s religion, cultures or traditions. Confronting the situation, either with the person or authorities can also be difficult too - who do you turn to?
We at We Encourage, have a few tips for you. Something like Karma Nirvana’s specialised training is much better but we realise that this isn’t available for everyone. Also, each case is specific, and any indicators mentioned will not be in all cases, but they are a brief overview. This is important for all, be you a teacher, social service worker or just concerned friend.
1. A child is not excited for a school holiday
Teachers and students this tip is mainly aimed at you, but it applies to other professionals too. Many children in diasporas can be sent abroad to marry someone, normally from their parents’ hometown. They may be going on a holiday they are not excited for but not want to tell you why. They may suddenly be going on holiday and abruptly lose communication with everyone. Or they may start to exhibit anxious or worrying symptoms as it gets closer to the end of term.
If these apply and you are suitably worried, many countries have a forced marriage unit in their governments you can contact. There are also charities and local or national police. In Finland you can contact for example Ihmiskauppa.fi.
As a follow up it is important to see if the child returns to school, especially if they don’t. If a child is in school and returns from holiday married it could also be worth querying. Notably if they drop out of school following the holidays this may be a sign, or if they are not allowed to go to further education despite potential.
2. Physical signs
There may be violence occurring at home from parents or spouses, especially if someone is already in a forced marriage. As with any abuse look for physical markers such as unexplained bruises. Emotional withdrawal can also be present, as can a change in attitude.
Signs such as someone texting less, or not ever being able to come out of their house are also important, especially if they cant give a reason why. The can include after school activities for younger victims, or work activities for older victims.
3. Alert authorities, not parents
Unfortunately, parents and a wider community are often complicit in forced marriage. Therefore, they are not the best people to approach if you are worried. Alert police, child protection, social workers or charities first and make sure they speak to the potential victim, not just listen to parents who state all is fine.
If possible do not even send the woman or girl back to her family, do not contact them or attempt mediation.
4. Do not assume all arranged marriages are forced marriages
Although a forced marriage is arranged by parents (often), not all arranged marriages are forced. If both parties agree to the marriage and are happy then this is not a problem. Some arranged marriages involve hardly knowing a person but learning to love each other whilst married. This can be a preference for people, not a cause of worry even if it is not something you personally would be happy with.
Worry if the circumstances are strange, if one participant is significantly younger than the other (especially if they are a child) or the potential victim seems unwilling. If the couple is already married watch out for power imbalances, such as one partner having full financial control and authority, or domestic abuse symptoms. But please do not assume all arranged marriages are forced.
5. Create an open and supportive environment
Victims of forced marriage are often put under emotional duress, especially due to not wanting to shame their family. Thus, reaching out can be hard. Creating an environment where they are not afraid to talk to someone or feel that they can do so privately is important. If you are in a school environment you can teach about forced marriage in a conscientious way and make people aware of potential support.
The most important thing to do is believe what a victim is saying even if it seems unbelievable that a family would force their child into marriage. By dismissing something you create a closed atmosphere and reduce a victim’s chances of trying to access help.
Hopefully these 5 tips help. Ultimately if you are worried about someone due to suspicious circumstances there is little harm in getting a second opinion from a charity or authorities. It is better to prevent a forced marriage than allow it to continue due to uncertainty.
Text by: Emily Stamp
Visuals by: Kristina Mancheva
