How Domestic Violence Affects Children
Children deserve to be children. They deserve to feel joy over small things, learn about the world around them and be curious. They deserve to be protected from the world’s hardships, and to grow and learn with healthy parental or adult relationships. They don’t deserve to have their joy stifled by fear, to want to escape their house or be physically harmed.
In an ideal world no child would ever be affected by domestic violence.
We do not live in an ideal world.
Children worldwide are being physically and emotionally harmed. Unfortunately, 1 in 7 children are affected by domestic violence at some point in their childhood.
We can hope that violence between adult partners does not harm children. But that hope is in vain. The mental trauma of watching or hearing a parent be harmed, verbally and emotionally abused, or controlled can be great.
This violence can also bleed into the abuse of a child by one, or both, adults. Nearly 2 in 3 exposed to domestic violence were also directly harmed.
Adults Modelling Unhealthy Relationships
The expectations of relationships inside the home, especially if the violence is hidden from the world and kept a ‘secret’, becomes warped by the child’s experience of violence. After all, we rarely see behind the closed doors of other people’s households. Who will tell the child that not all relationships are like the one at home. Learning that this violent behaviour is how relationships ‘are’ can blur boundaries in future relationships, and make someone unaware of what is acceptable or not.
With adults modelling an unhealthy relationship, a child doesn’t learn the way they should be treated. They learn that it is acceptable to hurt or be hurt by a partner and, even if they know it is wrong, this can follow through to adult relationships. Children who experience domestic violence are also at greater risk of repeating the cycle, by entering abusive relationships or becoming abusive themselves.
Effects on Mental Health and School
Physical violence can literally leave scars, but the effects of mental violence can be as long, if not longer lasting. It can lead to post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety and depression. A child may feel fearful and anxious, becoming on guard, or they could act out in negative ways.
Moreover, experiencing violence in childhood changes how they interact with the world as it can affect their self esteem. They may find it harder to make friends, speak up in class and participate in school activities, or interact with other authority figures. This can affect their grades, and their school life. Having to move because of violence, for example if a parent leaves an abusive partner, can also be difficult. Even describing home life or adults in their life when asked can be fraught with tensions.
Stopping Childhood Trauma
The impact of fear is long lasting. It clings, awakens in nightmares, lurks around the corner and impacts every step you make.
Children should never experience this. Childhood trauma can affect so much of one’s life. No one deserves this. If you know of a child suffering, approach them with love and care, and act in the best way for them. Let them know you are there for them. Model healthy behaviours with others.
If your partner is harming your child, question their behaviour and make a safety plan to leave. Violence can never be acceptable or justified. Do not allow it to happen, if possible. We understand that this can be difficult and you do not choose to experience violence, so don’t blame yourself if you are doing your best.
Think of the future, both yours and your child’s. Safety is the priority.
Children can be helped by making them feel safe, creating a support system and getting them professional help. Children do best in a safe, stable loving environment. A home where they witness, hear or experience violence is not that.
If you are looking for more information on violence, or what to do if you may be experiencing it, check out our website or our AINO Chatbot. We are here to listen, and to help.
