I was being psychologically abused — Survivor story Mia

1 in 3 women globally are beind abused in their relationship. There are too many women subject to violence and it is very difficult to find a way out. But there is hope. This is Mia’s (name changed) survivor story.

My story is one where the cues were very subtle. In the beginning, I was not beaten, verbally abused, or anything like that. Here is the big but — there were things that I first thought were cultural differences, yet they always felt off and strange. I started thinking that they were not cultural differences after I read online about what other forms of violence could make a relationship abusive. It turns out I was being psychologically abused. For example, I was being controlled on how to dress, whom to meet; treated with indifference and apathy; shamed. My feelings were confirmed after discussing with other Finnish men who told me that the things I had interpreted as cultural differences, definitely were not. The end of the story is that the relationship eventually evolved into physical abuse, and that’s when I decided to put an end to it.

After realising that things were not OK, I searched for external help: friends, therapy, and family. None of it worked. So, after careful consideration, I filed for divorce and moved out. Ending the relationship was actually the easiest part. What took much longer was convincing myself that there was no hope, that my job was not to fix him (as in, “love will change everything”), that sometimes there is no hope, and that love is not everything. There is so much more to building a loving relationship. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders when I moved out.