Romance, Love, Loss
The Tragedy of Love Lost
Who hasn’t known such hurt…
Hear it read by the author:
I walk the shore, only to turn and see my footprints, freshly trod, swallowed from the sand by the rippling of the petticoat waves.
A liquid life pouring across the sand determined, it seems, to leave no sign of me ever having been here. Not now. Not ever.
I remember when she turned to me in our Sunday bed, it was after a fight over something or nothing, and you held my head, smiled, and kissed me.
It felt warm again, like we were melting into Sunday, any cross words long forgotten.
Ah, but so simple, love could not be.
There are things that remain certain, the moth will chase a flame, bees will pollinate tomatoes, and evenings will soften a timeless circle.
What I learned, is that love can be devoured as easily as one might devour a chocolate cake.
Suddenly, we were in a place where there is nothing to laugh at together.
Differences, she said. The only difference, I suppose, is if I have to, I will change, and am willing, still.
Nevertheless, I know that this last conversation, however hard or easy, will end with one final goodbye.
I love you still. As much, and as love goes, even more than that first half drunk night when you concentrated so hard on pleasing me — and did.
Yes, I still love you. I’m not afraid to say it even after all the mean and misery that’s passed between us.
Apologies are not enough, I know. How can they compensate for rides done in tears and not laughter across the ocean?
How can they make up for Saturday soldiers battling one another, wounding words spitting out like machine gun bullets?
How could they make up for two people desperately in need of one another not making up?
I apologize for leading you and not letting you love me your way.
For rushing you not stopping once to understand your needs, thinking I had fulfilled them each time you had filled mine.
I’m sorry for making you think every night in bed would lead to one more potential crisis.
It never was intended that way. It never was anything but the very best between us.
I never felt anything but happiness and honor and joy in letting go. No one else has yet come close to giving me that feeling.
So, this is it. Goodbye. I love you, and I’ll go on loving. I will change as you will change.
I pray that you will run with the deer and soar with the eagles, touching on the ground only long enough to find that man who will love you every bit as much as I do, and one you’ll feel the same toward.
It is still early in the day for each of us despite the darkness up ahead. I know that there will be someone to lead you and someone you can lead.
That it won’t be me is something I have to live with.
But know this: while you were adding to my life, I pray I didn’t interrupt anything within yours.
I’ll move along, walk what remains of our love to a small cafe, order coffee, and think about my life, with all its clutter, lit candles, lovesick songs, tragic plays, and those emotions that quickened after dark.
What the world knows of me is not what you know.
What the world feels about me is not what you feel.
In you, I became lost.
But whatever went wrong, your eyes before sleep will forever be my bedtime reading.
Hello, this might be of some interest. If you would like to join Medium as a Member, giving you access to every story I write, and the whole shebang of talented writers on Medium, and you want to join up, read, or earn yourself a few coins writing, please think about using this LINK to become a member. Cost $5. You’ll be gifting me a cup of coffee, and treating yourself to the wonderland of Medium.com💜✍️
More of Harry Hogg:
Catch up with and follow our WE PAW Bloggers contributors here on Medium: Carrie Ann Golden, Bob Metivier, My Alter Ego and Me, Deon Christie, David Perlmutter, Suzanne Hagelin, Harry Hogg, Brian Lageose, Mason Bushell, Michael Embry, Samantha Bryant, Patrick Metzger, PhilAndMaude, Robert Trakofler, Shoreditchpoet, Nikolaos Skordilis, Stuart Aken, Tomas Ó Cárthaigh
This e-zine is an umbrella publication for members of the Facebook group of the same name. All writers for this publication are members of the group on Facebook. WE PAW Bloggers group is a writers forum — it is a family of writing creatives supporting one another through networking and reciprocal interaction on our journey of growth as writers.
If you wish to contribute to this ezine, please join the group on Facebook. Be sure to answer all the membership questions when you apply to join. All writing creatives are welcome.
Join Medium and support the contributors you love. That’s how Medium works: our membership fee is shared with everyone we read and theirs is shared with everyone they read. Please note, the link below is an affiliate link and by following it to join Medium, I will benefit for promoting membership with a tiny extra portion of your membership fee at no extra expense to you.
D. Denise Dianaty, Editor and Graphic Designer for the WE PAW Bloggers E-Zine. Administrator for the writers forum “WE PAW Bloggers” group and its sister group “Pandora’s Box of Horrors” on Facebook. In addition to being a self-published author and poet, artist, art-photographer, and administrator of the group, “WE PAW Bloggers,” Denise is a graphic designer with 25+ years experience, predominately in print media.
