Here are a few tips for making new friends in Laos by a long-term ELIC teacher, Dani.
Here in Laos teachers, are regarded with the utmost respect often making it difficult to befriend students. I sometimes try to break the barrier between teacher and friend by stubbornly refusing to sit when they all have to stand or insisting that it’s no problem for me to pour my own cup of water. However, if I’m being honest with myself and you there are better ways to pursue friendships with students.
Instead, you could…
1. Invite Them Over — Host movie nights or cook your favorite American meal for them. Students also love trying snacks and candy from America so leave some room in your suitcase or invite supporters to mail their favorite treats to share. One year I brought WarHeads back because Lao people love sour fruits, and so do I. I told them they were sour, but I intentionally failed to warn them just how sour they would be. I made sure to record the whole thing. They got a kick out of it and proceeded to ask for extras to play the same joke on their friends.
2. Invite Them to Go Somewhere — In Laos, they have a word “gangjai.” We don’t really have a word for it in English, but it roughly means something along the lines of “acting shyly out of a desire to be polite.” My first year in Laos there was a girl in my class whom I wanted to get to know. So I invited her and another student I already was friends with over. I planned to hang out and eat dinner together, but when my student arrived and saw food waiting for her on the table, she literally ran away. I sent my other student after her to reassure her it was fine. Fortunately, she came back and both of those students are now my two best Lao friends. But I also learned that it was easier to initiate friendships by inviting them to go somewhere together. Instead of always inviting her to my house we started playing volleyball on campus or walking through the night market.
3. Accept Their Invitation — I think this is the most important thing we can do as teachers who want to befriend our students; however, it can be the most difficult. It’s not easy to accept that our students want to serve us, like when my students argue back that as the teacher I should not pour my own cup of water. We tell ourselves I didn’t travel across the world to be the one served, and I do one hundred percent believe there are moments when we need to push the boundaries and wash our students’ feet so to speak. But it is okay to let them serve us, and we can do this by accepting their invitations to do something or go somewhere. Accepting their invitations isn’t always convenient, but it proves that we mean it. That we mean it when we say “I want to be your friend.”
4. Stay After Class — Getting that initial invitation can be a long season of waiting; nevertheless, we must not forget that there can’t be an invitation if we aren’t around to receive it. When class is over stick around or if it’s your students who hurriedly rush out the classroom use those last five minutes of teaching time to just talk with them. They are going to think you’re weird I promise you that. However, I can also promise you that they are watching and taking notice of the way you talk with them. As my student once told me “We all think you’re weird, but we love you.”
5. Eat Lunch Together — My students eat in their classrooms, so I like to casually walk by knowing that if they see me, they will invite me to join. Regardless of where your students eat, lunch can be the easiest way to get to know them outside of class. You’re both already at school, and you both need to eat so why not eat together.
6. Play UNO — Play all the UNO. Lao people love UNO, and they could play it for hours on end. Maybe where you are it’s not UNO, but there is going to be some activity they love to do. So we have got to choose to love it too because choosing to love that thing — whatever it may be — is choosing to love them.
7. Use Your Teammates — It’s easier to become friends with students who aren’t your students. I’ve made several friends on campus by sitting with my students at the school book shop getting to know their friends from another class. Getting to know my teammates’ students has also led to a handful of close friendships. Not being the one overseeing their final exam scores allows us to skip over the “but you’re my teacher” nonsense and straight into genuine friendship.
I’ve since given in to sitting when my students offer me a chair and allowing them to pour me a cup of water. And no, I didn’t come to be served, sometimes I get bored of UNO, and I really really don’t want to eat the crushed bug sauce my students brought for lunch, but I do want to be their friend. I want to hang out with them, to know them, and to hear their stories. I trust that you do too. So let’s do just that.
