How to Create a Trusting Relationship between Product Manager and Engineer
I have been at my current company for over three years now. When I first started, my number one goal was to gain the trust of my co-workers. Now this was not an easy task. It can be intimidating starting a new job and learning the culture of a new team, and a new company. You want to make a good impression and show them how you can create value on your team. But these things also take time. Below are some of the steps that I have used when I started, and continue to use with my team to help create, built and maintain rapport with my teammates and colleagues. As a product manager, you are there to help lead the team and create a positive and open culture on your team.
Observe, Listen, and Learn
For the first few weeks on my team, I was learning as much as I could. This was through trainings, one on ones, department meetings, etc. But probably my main source of learning was observing and listening to my team. Just sitting back and watching how your team interacts with each other and with the teams around them, you can learn so much with nothing actually being said. Recognizing and noting dynamics of these different relationships can really tell a lot about how the team is run, the joys and frustrations of the team, the culture on your team, your department, and the company as a whole.
During this time period of observation, don’t be afraid to ask questions about how things are currently run. Again, during my first few months on the job I was not only looking for how things were currently working on the team, I was looking for ways I could improve and add value to the team. It can be interesting how even small and simple changes can completely change (and improve) how your team works.
Have Open and Honest Communication
For probably the first year, and when anyone new joins my team, I try hard to make sure that they know that we are a team and we collaborate together. And I will do my best to work with them in whatever work style that works best for them.
Make sure as well to constantly keep those lines of communication open. Make sure your team members feel comfortable sharing their thoughts, feeling and opinions of what is going on with the team. One of the best ways to facilitate these types of discussions is to be open and honest yourself. Transparency is key. You will probably need to be that example of how this will work on the team.
It is also helpful to ask probing questions. Some common examples are: What challenges have you dealt with this week? What types do you anticipate will come up this week? How can we as a team help each other out? What sort of collaboration with other teams at the company would help benefit our team? It can also be helpful to introduce new ideas and thoughts about improvements on how the team can be accomplished.
Be Positive
Going along with being a good example and good leader on your team, it is so important to be positive. This is especially important when your team may be going through a challenging time. This is not to say that you should bury your head in the sand and go on pretending or assuming that things are great, but there are constructive ways of dealing with challenges. One great piece of advice I have received in my career is to not dwell on our problems, but to see our problems as challenges to improve our current workflow.
One challenge that my team has dealt with many times over the years has been headcount. We never seem to have enough people on the team to do what we need to do. Our developers have their regular day to day work, plus because we are a backend team, there is the overall scope and scaling of the product that always needs to be considered. Needless to say, what we do on the team is not always straightforward and transparent to the other teams, even in development. One thing we have done many times over the years, it just to keep an open line of communication with the CTO, VP of engineering about what is going on. That is not to say that it doesn’t cause frustrations with other teams, but because of that open communication we try our best not to cause any surprises and to set proper expectations if we decide to take on new projects.
Share Lessons Learned
Everyone makes mistakes, but it is important to learn from those mistakes. If you want to create a culture on your team where it is okay to fail, you will first need to share your failures with the team. I believe it is also important to reframe the idea of failure. I personally like to treat them as learning opportunities for yourself, and for the whole team to learn from so that you can avoid, making those mistakes again. So talk about and discuss not only your successes as a team, but also your challenges so that you can help and learn from each other.
Take the Heat When Things Go Wrong
When something does go wrong on the team, be sure that you personally get in front of the issue and mitigate it as much as you can. Let your managers and project stakeholders know that something has occurred, but also be sure to shield your team members as much as possible. Your team members need to know that you have their back in these instances.
Show That You Care
What do you do when a team member has a big life event? Or what if you notice some changes in behavior with one of them? What about if one of them starts missing work more than normal? Life events, good and bad, happen to all of us. And many of these can affect how we are at work. It is so important to show your care and concern for your team members. Congratulate them when they have a baby. Get them a gift when they get married. Share your sympathy with them if they have a loved one die. Make a big deal when they finish a big project for work. Celebrate when you have reached certain milestones at work. Do you have a team members who has career aspirations outside of your team? Help them the best you can to achieve their goals.
It is also important to mention to be careful not to cross a personal line or boundary at work. Some people like to keep things private. If this is the case, leave this person be. Some don’t want to share all of the details of their private life at work. Respect people’s boundaries but be open if they reach out to you for support of any kind. If needed, don’t be afraid to reach out to managers or HR for further assistance.
Create Team Building Opportunities
Spending time outside of the day to day work is one of the best ways to build and strengthen relationships with your team members. These things do not happen on their own. You will need to help to create a culture of this on your team. At my work, we have dedicated budget to spend time together outside of work doing any activity of our choice. We decide as a team what we are going to do. We have done a number of different things: an extra nice lunch together, an escape room, axe throwing, etc. It is especially important to have an activity where you are interacting together positively, solving a problem together, or really just having a great time.
Spending this time together helps you to get to know each other outside of work, and really get to know each other as a person and who each of you really are. It is important to feel comfortable to be yourself around each other at work. Being able to be yourself at work helps to create and foster those trusting relationships with each other.
Give Create Where Credit is Due
Praise your team members! When they have done or are working on something significant, make sure they are recognized for it. Did someone on the team solve an important problem? Make sure everyone knows! Did someone on the team go out of their way to help a team member? Thank them for it. Did you as a team accomplish an important goal or project? Recognize everyone’s contribution to the project and thank them personally for their time and dedication.
Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say
To me, this is probably one of the biggest assets for creating a trusting relationship with your team. Do you say one thing to your team, but do the opposite if you are under pressure? Be clear in your communication with your team members what you will do for them, what your goals are as team, and how you will accomplish them. And always stick to them, no matter what the pressure. If you feel like changes need to be made, consult with your team first. But also be true to your word through your actions.
Conclusion
Most of us spend a significant amount of time with our coworkers. We also build, collaborate and create products and work on projects together. If you don’t create and foster a positive work environment together where you can trust each other fully, you are just making your job harder on yourself. Creating trust is really about the little things that you do for your team over time. Having a goal in mind, and just being consistent with your actions and behavior over time is the best way to achieve these types of relationships with your coworkers.
