The One Thing My Mother Didn’t Tell Me About Marriage.
I wish she had prepared me.
In Indian culture, preparation for a girl’s wedding starts the day she is born—mentally and financially.
The family knows that life savings are spent on the weddings of daughters. The daughter and mother know of the emotional turmoil they must go through with the switch that happens when a daughter must leave and enter her husband's and his family's home.
Years are spent honing the girl for this day and for this life. Teaching her cooking, teaching her to nurture and take care of elders in the family, and learning to ‘adjust’ within a patriarchal home are all essential parts of this training.
But I must confess, as a patient of chronic depression, I was the happiest during my wedding and the weeks following it. I was ecstatic to finally live with my partner, which is impossible without marriage in a traditional society like ours.
After a couple of months, though, I started to realize one big secret: no one tells you about marriage.
You become your mother. That’s right. You have to literally take your mother’s place.
As I went from being the elder daughter to the youngest in the household, it was already quite a challenge to give up ‘control.’ But the mold…
