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A Gift for Grievers
Dealing with death
I am still deep in grief. I miss Ben every moment. I function — unwillingly. Christmas was brutal. I was alone. I worked all day, save a 30-minute walk with Syau at noon. Funny thing is that Ben and I always believed that sharing our holiday joy magnified it; I guess that’s an old-fashioned way of thinking.
Since Ben’s death in May, I’ve searched for resources to provide a greater understanding and acceptance of my grief. My grandson asked if I grieved so deeply in the past when other loved ones died. I replied:
This is the first time someone I lived with died. I not only lost Ben, but I lost all of our routines and habits. I woke up on May 20th with a completely different and a very unfamiliar life. And I’m alone. Being alone makes it much, much worse.
People offer advice about dealing with grief, but most of them have not dealt with grief alone. It makes a difference when you have someone beside you, someone to hold you, someone to comfort you.
Since I have little comfort in my real life, I search for it elsewhere — in books, YouTube grief therapy videos, and podcasts.
Nearly every source has provided something of use, but Anderson Cooper’s podcast All There Is has been, by far, the most helpful.
