Allowing Myself to Be a Beginner
Letting go of expectation and just having fun
It has been a long time since I have taken out my paints and sat down to create art. I have dabbled with painting my whole life, starting when I was very young. Back when I was a child I painted with the freedom and abandon that comes from no self judgement. My mother framed my first painting of a mother bird on a branch feeding a worm to her young in the nest.
As I got older, I began to judge my art by comparing it to others’ art, and mine always looked pitiful and amateurish in comparison. I was able to paint a few things that weren’t so bad, but many times, I followed it up with something that was awful. I thought everything I painted should be good, and because it wasn’t, after a while, I just quit.
But every autumn, when the trees put on their glory robes, I am inspired to pick up a paintbrush and capture the beauty with paints. I have tried a couple of times but put away my paintings in shame and then put away the brushes and paints. Why bother if I can’t make it look the way I want it to?
