Member-only story
Can I Please Get Some Sleep
For My Family And My Dog’s Sake
I’m all set for the night. I’m exhausted. It was another brutally hot day, but I got in one hour of exercise anyway. My to do list for household and personal tasks were all completed. It’s 11:00 P.M.(or 2300 hours for some folks). I put on my sleep apnea mask, and start up the machine, close my eyes. And there is an odd but familiar feeling, hoping against hope that I’m wrong. Please don’t let it be one of “those nights”.
I’ve read all the how to get to sleep recommendations. I don’t exercise right before bed. Don’t eat or drink anything after my evening meal. Only have one caffeinated drink each day, a morning cup of tea. Keep a regular time and routine around going to bed. I try to empty my mind of all thoughts. Next, some breathing exercises which are supposed to calm my body. Half and hour later, still awake. Now my mind says enough of this, it’s open season. Worries about the state of the world creep in; about having sufficient money for the future if one of us lives too long; anxiety about my children and grandchildren. I attempt to substitute positive thoughts for the doom and gloom. Hard to find something. The domestic political scene is a mess, scary even. Town politics are more of same. The stock market is like a roller coaster. My beloved Patriots football team is destined to have another bad season, oh how the mighty have fallen. There is always someone in need of special prayers. Our old house continues, like me, to show its age.
It’s now 12:30 A.M., and I have the self-perpetuating fear that I’ll be up for another couple of hours. I’ve always had nights like this ever since I was a child. Then they were rare occurrences, only gradually increasing over the years as work responsibilities took their toll. Now these awake nights happen with more frequency. I don’t dare nap during the day, afraid that would only exacerbate the problem.
Well it’s now 1:30 A.M., so careful not to wake my wife, I go downstairs to try meditation in a different setting to calm my mind and my body. I rest on a recliner for half an hour. Then I go back to bed. Instantly I know it’s a no go, I silently scream in frustration. Finally when it’s 2:30 A.M., a sense that I’m finally ready takes hold. In fact I do drift off. All is good until the next time.
