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Cracked
Dealing with death
There is a saying that goes something like, We can do hard things because hard things don’t last forever. The trouble with grief is that it leaves your heart forever cracked, split in two, perhaps stitched but never again whole.
The hard things may eventually pass, but the damage they cause remains.
It’s been almost ten months since Ben passed. I don’t go to bed crying as I once did, but I tear up every day, and often, those tears escape down my cheeks.
I miss Ben every second of every day.
Evenings and nights are the worst. I go to sleep ridiculously early because I’m always ready for the lonely day to be done. I also don’t want to remember how Ben used to massage my feet and back before bedtime or how we would lie in bed reading and talking. Or our good-night kisses.
I am lonely for him and lonely for human interaction. I sometimes go three or four days without having a conversation with another person.
Now that the time has changed and there’s light in our evenings, I have returned to The Lynx Bookstore for author events, which typically begin at 6 pm. That puts me in contact with people, but honestly, being alone in a crowd can be more isolating than being alone in my home. Although I start conversations with other…
