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Did Ben Die of a Broken Heart?
Dealing with death
Since Ben passed, I’ve lived with the fear that he died from a broken heart that I caused.
A few days before his death, he asked me if there was any way we could visit Manhattan again. Ben loved New York City. He loved introducing me to his favorite place, and we visited several times during our years together. Unfortunately, when he asked the question, he was on dialysis.
I couldn’t figure out how we could do it. We’d have to arrange for traveling dialysis in either New York or New Jersey, which would be difficult since we wouldn’t have a vehicle while there. How would we get to and from a dialysis center?
If we could work that out, we’d lose two days due to his dialysis. The treatments were four hours long, but he was always so tired afterward that venturing around Manhattan would be impossible. Sometimes, his fatigue carried into the next day. There was a real possibility that the days after his dialysis would be downtime, too.
I couldn’t take more than 10 days off work. The train trip would take a day going and coming. Then, two, maybe four days of downtime due to dialysis. That means a minimum of four and possibly six days out of ten would be downtime. Not to mention that he could have bleeding and high blood pressure issues that would compromise other…
