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I Lost Him Twice
Dealing with death
When Ben died in May 2024, he had several health issues. Most had been around for a while, but only in the previous two years had they become worrisome. It started with a stomach virus in 2022 that landed him in the hospital for nine days. He left the hospital in worse condition than he entered. Less than two months later, he fell and hit his head, followed by three days in a neurological ICU for a brain bleed. He also had injuries from his fall, including a dislocated finger that remained at an angle, rendering the digit useless.
His recovery took months. In early 2023, just as we thought he was almost back to normal, his memory worsened and his behavior became volatile. We learned that his already poor kidney function had decreased low enough that he had to start dialysis as soon as possible.
There was the pre-2022 Ben and the post-2022 Ben.
After his hospital discharge in 2022, I took over managing his healthcare, including doctor appointments and medications, and assumed most of the household chores. We thought it was a temporary situation. He’d get better and stronger, and our lives would return to normal.
After he started dialysis, Ben regained some of his short-term memory, but not all, not enough to manage his healthcare or our home, so I…