Once upon a Unicorn
Once upon a Unicorn, I rode across this land
My friends and my companions you wouldn’t understand
For they are rogues and pirates but they’re all heroes too
And paladins and witches with daring deeds to do.
For steeds, they ride on dragons or sometimes even mice
They love to drink their honey’d mead or sweet wine made from rice.
First, there is Sir Fallenstaff, a dour, mirthless man
He’s drunk, he’s loud, and blustering, and sleeps whene’er he can.
But when it comes to crunch-time, the man can surely ride
He’s strong, and wild and fearless, and always at my side.
His steed, he is a plough-horse, but this is one with wings
He lives on hay and oats but feeds on many other things.
Then we have the Lady, Skroosalot by name
Tall, and slim and beautiful, but a killer just the same
A feared and hated, evil witch. Quite the sorceress
But, if you’re on her better side, she’s a good friend, more or less.
And they call me the Wanderer and say that I’m no good
Yet the brigands they all run and hide when I ride through the wood.
My blade is called Spineripper and it truly does it well
It seeks out thieves and vagabonds and sends them straight to Hell.
From time to time we’re joined by others much the same
And we hunt down the evil ones and add them to our game
Then when things get boring here, we ride among the stars
Seeking galactic demons beyond the moons of Mars.
And once a year we gather at a secret destination
And there we swear and solemnly affirm our obligation
Then we all embark to return to the earth
And when we land we all restate our fealty to the Earth.
