Member-only story
The Candles of Regret
Dealing with death
Ben and I moved into our old neighborhood on November 8, 2004 — just in time for the holiday season.
We walked our three dogs each night, strolling up and down the streets of our neighborhood, becoming familiar with the houses and admiring the Christmas decorations that began appearing after Thanksgiving.
A large two-story home two blocks over had a candle in every window. Ben loved those lit windows. He said,
It feels like those candles are welcoming us to the neighborhood.
He looked forward to seeing that house each year. During the holiday seasons after moving to our townhome in June of 2017, we’d drive across town just to see those candles. After my daughter and her family moved away in 2018, that visit was one of our few Christmas traditions.
In 2022, the year Ben was hospitalized twice during the summer, I wanted to surprise him with a walk through the old neighborhood rather than a drive-by to see the candles. His health was much better, and he was walking a lot, so I was sure he’d appreciate a nice stroll. I imagined it would be a very special evening that would leave us with a precious memory.
One day, after dark, I told Ben to grab a snack (to keep his blood sugar stable) because I had a surprise for him.