Member-only story
Unattached Anxiety
Dealing with death
For two years, I lived in high-alert mode. My responsibilities exploded as Ben’s health declined. Suddenly, in 2022, I was his healthcare manager, taking care of his medications and medical appointments.
Our mornings began with his vitals, which I monitored and charted for his doctors. Three times during the day, I set out his medications and supplements. He averaged five doctor appointments each month; nurses visited twice a month. I prepared his meals to ensure he was eating properly.
Once he started dialysis, I monitored his post-dialysis bleeding and any signs of blockages, which required angioplasty. He had three angioplasties in less than a year. He started off having dialysis three times a week but decreased to two after six months. Since he no longer drove, I took him to and from those appointments.
In October 2023, his right big toe became infected, requiring two rounds of antibiotics. Since we had no idea why or how it became infected, twice-weekly foot examinations were added to my duties.
I didn’t mind these extra responsibilities. Caring for the man who cared for me for eighteen years was an honor. But dealing with the medical world was stressful. We rarely were given the information we needed; Google became my educator. I juggled my Ben responsibilities with home…
