Convince Us to Stay: a Poem
Content Warning: suicide ideation and swearing
What most people don’t understand about
suicide ideation
is how hella convinced we have to be
to stay on this Earth.
Some days,
even,
want to stay.
It’s not enough to tell us that
we’ll burden someone
if we leave,
as often as we think how
we’ll burden someone
if we stay.
Ideation is the double-edged sword
we never asked for.
Then again,
we never
asked to be alive
either.
Ideation is the pendulum that swings
from one alternate universe
of darkness
to another.
Do better at convincing us
of an alternate universe
of light
that exists out there.
With less clichés this time.
With more clichés we can be proud of.
With more natural prayers.
With less prayers at all.
Do better at convincing us
of a better future ahead
without the pressure of
having to fucking think
of one.
Do better at convincing us
of possibilities
without providing us
fucking barriers
in the same breath.
Hear us.
Commend us for our survival
without us having to experience
the threat of a disappearance
in the first place.
Need us.
No, I mean
REALLY need us.
Not because it’ll make
you
feel better.
Because it’ll make
all of us
feel better.
No, I mean
REALLY feel better.
Like freedom of life
without giving compensation for saving it
after failed attempts.
Like summer rains being the
occasional cleanse we desire
with its liveliness within the gray.
Like being so fucking present
being a blessed gift in of itself;
only you didn’t wrap or re-wrap it for us.
Mental illness
unravels
like a motherfucker
Convince us enough to believe
that we
can wrap and re-wrap it ourselves.
If you or someone you know is struggling or just wants to talk, there are resources for you.
About the author: Maya Williams is a poet currently residing in Portland, Maine. She has a Bachelors in Social Work and a Bachelors in English from East Carolina University. She has a Masters in Social Work with a certificate in Applied Arts and Social Justice. She has her poems published in spaces such as glitterMOB, Soft Cartel, The Occulum Journal (coming in November), Underground Writers Association, INTER, The Tempest, and AltFem. She has articles published in spaces such as The Tempest, Black Girl Nerds, and Multiracial Media. You’re more than welcome to follow her @emmdubb16 on Twitter and Instagram. Check out her website here.
