What happens when you don’t achieve your goals?
This week, I felt productive, but when I looked back at my goals, I realised I hadn’t actually ticked any of them off. I had made progress towards them, but not achieved the actual outcome I wanted.
Previously, I would have beaten myself up and felt as though I had failed, but this time I decided to look at what I had achieved, instead of the goals I had written. I realised that among other things, I had won a significant amount of business and developed a relationship that could potentially lead to a long-term partnership. These things were significant and the fact I hadn’t achieved the goals I set out to, seemed less important. I had also made good progress towards these goals, meaning that a few actions the following week would render them complete.
So why would I, or anyone else, beat themselves up in this scenario?
The answer is related to our rules. Type A personalities reading this will be all too familiar with the critical self-talk that regularly accompanies our ambition and drive. The voice that means well, but often ends up creating feelings of worthlessness, self-doubt and low self-esteem.
However, if we deconstruct these thought process, we can often find underlying rules that make it impossible for us to create a sustained sense of progression and achievement.
I witnessed this first hand recently when working with a client, who was struggling with his internal critic and often feeling as though he wasn’t moving towards his goals. When we examined his rules and beliefs around these goals, we found that he would only be happy when he achieved them all. Once I helped him to gain perspective on this rule, he realised it was almost impossible to meet and he was setting himself up for a consistent negative state of mind, which was affecting his productivity and general well being.
Talking through the process with a client really helped me to get some perspective on my goals and re-visit some of the rules I have for myself. What happens when I don’t achieve my goals? When will I need to change my behaviour and when is it acceptable?
What rules do you have around reaching your goals? Is it ok not reach them sometimes? If so when?
If we don’t define these rules, they stay part of our unconscious framework and can often leave us feeling unmotivated and lacking confidence. It is important to identify when our rules are empowering and when they are disempowering. Are they helping or hindering us?
If you found this article interesting, you may enjoy this TED talk by Tony Robbins: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cpc-t-Uwv1I
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