Weird AF 02 — The Giant-People

Me.

It’s been a weird, s***ty week, but I can’t pin point exactly what was so bad about it. Nothing major happened to me. Its just been a collection of small things, as if someone is watching me and laughing. Not in a malicious way, almost like a cartoon comedy. I mean, when I was young I used to think that we were all characters in a book being read by giant-people (not giants, just giant-people, according to child-me there was a huge difference). If the giant-people were getting bored then they would mess with the story a bit. And now, thinking about it, I feel like this has been happening this week. I think my life got a bit dull for those giant-people and they’ve decided to drop some comical spice.

Let’s investigate…

Monday

I woke up earlier than usual, I normally snooze my alarm (multiple times…okay 100 times… okay I turn it off), however this time I got up. I actually got up. With ample time to just sloth through my getting ready process.

Rare footage of me not rushing to get ready.

I wore new shoes, a summery scarf and really thought about my outfit — rather than just finding whatever with squinty, tired eyes. I felt good about the day ahead. Great tactic here from the giant-people — providing me with false hope for the day.

About five minutes after leaving my flat I realised that I had left my purse in my other jacket. Which I never, ever do. But it’s cool — My boyfriend lent me his.

Twelve hours pass and I was still at work… It’s okay, busy day, that’s normal. Nothing comical for the giant-people here.

I left the office around 9:30pm, I managed to get straight onto a bus, and I got to the train station quicker than usual. I got to the barrier and realised that I had managed to lose the card that my boyfriend lent me. I have had the card less than 24hrs and have managed to lose it. At this point I felt so guilty that I began frantically checking all of my pockets, whilst spinning around slowly (I don’t know why either, I just did). Then the overthinking/anxiety kicked in. What if someone is watching me being weird? What if they decide to film me and then I become “Loser girl spinning whilst searching her pockets”. So I stop and try to act cool, pretending like I’m not even looking for anything anymore and come to the conclusion that the card is gone and use my iPhone instead.

1–0 to the giant-people.

Tuesday

Now my best friend hates Tuesdays. She mentions this every Tuesday, without fail. So I should have been prepared, especially after Mondays antics.

Me trying to take control of my life

I woke up as I normally do, turning my alarm on snooze about ten times before accepting that it’s time to get up.

Rushing to get ready I realised that I had been so busy — which meant that no washing had been done — so I had to delve into clothes at the bottom of my drawers and backs of the cupboards. Went to get some black jeans, they had a hole in them. Saw some blue denim jeans… also with a hole. Why the f*** do I keep these?! No black tights left. Still too cold to wear no tights. So I picked up my green Topshop jeans, which I do love but they’re for when it’s warm and dry so I can wear them with my white pumps and a white shirt. But it was too cold and wet outside for that outfit today. Attempted to find a white jumper but the only one I had, had faded a bit and was now more grey. Why do I keep this s***?! I did have a plain black jumper but it was a thick one, that would have been too hot. So I found a thinner jumper that was a black and grey marl design. This didn’t go, I knew it didn’t, but I needed to leave to get the train. I asked my boyfriend if it was okay to get away with… he said it looked fine. So I put my hair up, quick bit of make up and off I went.

I would just like to state that I do own plenty of clothes, some were not weather appropriate, yes some had holes and the rest were in the wash okay. Don’t judge me. It happens to everyone at some point, right?

I manage to get through work. My boyfriend asked to meet me at Oxford Circus because his phone was playing up. So I met him at Oxford Circus. Whilst there I pick up some tights. My boyfriend finds me and said that his phone is fine (he knew I wouldn’t have gone without being tricked into it), he just wanted me to get some clothes after my disastrous morning and admitted that my outfit did not go at all.

So many girls demand honesty in a relationship… why?

I’m not even sure that I respect the honesty…

2–0 giant-people.

Wednesday

Woke up in the same routine as mentioned in the Tuesday section. Obvs. I never learn. But today I have jeans and everything is right in the world.

Work was good, had a nice lunch and left on time.

I feel like that is a 2–1 to me?

But then I got home. I got home and needed to get into my mailbox, but I had lost the key. I did the obvious thing… I watched a fourteen year old on YouTube who explained how to pick locks. Now the best part of this is that our lights are energy efficient, meaning that they only stay on for two seconds and then turn themselves off. So, whilst I was attempting to pick our mailbox lock, every two seconds I had to point my leg out to the side to turn the lights back on. Yet again I am dancing my way out of a ridiculous situation. I failed, I failed so bad.

Not too dissimilar to Dom Hemingway

Thursday

Ignore alarm. Rush to get ready. Get to work. Finish work.

After work I met an old colleague for some drinks with some other co-workers in a ‘trendy’ bar near Farringdon. It was 2–4–1 cocktails so, naturally, I ordered two drinks at a time when going to the bar. As the night went on I suddenly realised that I needed to get home as it was almost midnight. My train left Waterloo at 00:18. I was still in Farringdon at 00:00. Goodbye last train, it was an ambitious thought that I would catch you on my way home.

I ended up ordering an expensive Uber. I am someone who loves to be comfortable, warm and safe. When I am drunk all sense of money, savings and being sensible fly out of my brain. A bit like the leaves in the above GIF. All I want is to be home and in my blankets.

I was only supposed to be out for one drink. I needed to be productive and get s*** done. But no, spontaneous me wanted to stay out, drink too much and make myself tired for Friday. It’s this type of behaviour that makes me depressed in the near future, because I become frustrated at myself for not productive. I become frustrated that I have had to get these important things done in a rush. They’re only small important things, but it still matters to me.

I feel like the above GIF is also me waving goodbye to the productive version of myself. Its a three in one meaning GIF.

3–1 to the giant-people.

Friday

Usual routine + slight hangover + tiredness = PLEASE MAKE IT THE WEEKEND.

Today I had to go out with a colleague to film some work that our company had recently released. That meant over 40 minutes of walking with a huge backpack, my usual bag and a tripod. Across London. The only upside was that it wasn’t raining. It wasn’t sunny. But it wasn’t raining.

I had to have my photo taken at one point for legal reasons — London is strict with filming certain locations. The photo was 100% worse than my passport photo. My hair was up in a literal messy bun (not the cute kind), I have next to no make up on and I had just been lugging around camera equipment across London. And you could tell. I then had to wear this photo as a badge. Oh thank you cruel giant-people.

We set up the camera and wait. We eventually noticed that the thing we had come to film wasn’t even on.

But it’s cool. We decided to call it a day and it’s 5pm, so we got to leave work an hour early.

However, I still had to take a s*** load of stuff home with me, which would also mean carrying it back in on Monday. But I went home early so…

4–2 to the giant-people.

End result

As you can see nothing catastrophic happened, but I do think child-me was right, these Giant-people exist.

Have you ever experienced these Giant-people? Let me know!

Lucy Blunt x

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