Getting Greased Up Like a Scared Hog

Sorry, I’d love to come to your dinner party but I already made plans.

I’m going to grease myself up like a scared hog and run through the woods looking for truffles.

Have you ever tried truffle butter? It’s so good! A real treat!

I like it when the little sticks get in my eyes: that’s how I know I am in nature.

I have sired offspring with beasts of the wood.

I like baguettes so you can soak up all the sauce!

Thinking about a low-key Italian meal tonight. It’s going to be a full moon so I’ll be making a fire and synging my genitals as I leap across the flames.

I’m not scared of bears. I stabbed one in the heart with its own claws one time. We’re going to have apple crumble for dessert.

Dinner for one can be lots of fun! I like to watch my house burn down so the crows will come out. They love the smell of ash and I love the taste of slow-roasted crow!

Raincheck?