More Television Shows For Me
It concerns me that I am not on any television shows. I should be on many at once.
People want to be in a lot of shows because they’re trying to “roll a six” and get a hit. But if you are trying to roll a six, you should roll more than 3 or 8 of the dices. You should take about 100 dices or as many as you can find in your friend’s house and roll them all at once.
That’s why I have some new television show ideas so I can be in way more television shows, THEN we see for sure which makes the hit!
(1) A guy played by me is stuck inside a tiny maze. His name is Murph. Will Murph and his dumb step-dad be able to solve all the puzzles to grow big again? Find out on Puzzle-in-Law.
(2) A guy that is me has to go undercover as a teenager to find out why the new trend is eating dirt. This is a family drama. Dirty Cop is the name of the show.
(3) Two former rockstars wind up on an island together. Lucky for them there is a talking parrot who cracks wise and distracts them from that they will die there soon. Polly Want a Crack Me Up is not going to be the name of this show, but is.
(4) What if there was a show called 293849 and those numbers had something to do with me being worried about them? I could run a lot in the movie and heck, you throw in some guns and some beautiful RED-HEAD (progressive) and you got yourself a winner!
(5) I play a carpenter in olden times and just trying to get by. Later it turns out I am The Christ and as they put me on the Letter T I shrug and go, “It’s a living!” or something better. Name could be Hammerin’ and Stammerin’. I hate myself but honestly not bad.
(6) He’s the type of dad who likes to grill his problems away. His son is transgender and gay and an immigrant and his wife is a big slab of LEAN CUT prime rib. You can’t go wrong with that. Uh a name could be What’s Grillin’ With You? or Extra Rare or Just Dealin’ With It.
(7) I like movies that turn into shows. I like the movie The Mask 2. I could easily be The Mask (2). Show called The Mask 2: The Television Kind.
(8) Honestly though, most television is online right now. So I guess I could be Instagram famous and then get stalked by a funny stalker. This would be drama + comedy = comerama. Called Instantly Graham. My skin is literally willing itself to peel off my bones.
(9) I like scorpions and skeletons so why not be honest and put myself in a television show about all that and call it Steven Markow’s Show Starring Himself And Many Interesting Things
(10) Losing steam here. I get now why 10 is the last number in counting. But I must go on so I can be on even more television shows. Okay, so this one is called Napkins and I play a napkin who has funny convos with other stuff on this table I’m sitting at. Better title would be Table for Fun.
(11) Oh man, I just had one and seriously just forgot it. Oh yeah, it’s called You Give Me Money and you just give money to me in a LIVE show with funny sketches too, a celebrity host, a musical guest, a cast including Vanessa Bayer and Leslie Jones, and it’s on Saturday Nights Live on NBC. And I get rich and you know what I do with the money? Spend it on nice clothes and parties for my friends, my REAL friends, the ones from Facebook BEFORE the show.
(12) Why not do one more? A guy (me) used to be a playboy but now he’s just trying to run a school for blind kids. He pokes out his own eyes so it’s even. Even Stevens just popped into my head.
(13) A lucky number so why not go all the way to here. Guy on a cooking show. I’m chained to the fake kitchen because of a court order. Things Are Cookin’ Up then we all turn ourselves into ghosts together, sound good?
(14) I play a ghost of a hammer. Hammerin’ and Stammerin’…Again! because remember from before?
(15) Me in a show like Modern Family but everybody is a puppet except for me. There’s a sound of a truck going by constantly and you can’t hear anything, which trust me is for the best. Puppet’s A Living or Truck Family or You Can Pick Your Honker, But You Can’t Pick If Your Family is Puppets or Hell is This Right Now or we could get Jeff Dunham and just have him do everything, and I’ll just light myself on fire and I won’t even cry, because I believe in myself.
I’m going to go eat roast beef now, a French Dip made of my tears. I love America and television is the last medium, so please spray me all over it.