Success Is Not Just For Perfect People
And what other things I’ve learned in the 18 years since leaving high school. An Address to the Graduating Class of 2017 at Bishop Michael Eldon School, my alma mater.
By: Crystal A. deGregory, Ph.D. ‘99
To Principal Anita Doherty — my “goodest” cousin — vice principals and administrators, Bishop Boyd and other distinguished guests both those anointed and those appointed, faculty and staff, family and friends, alumni, proud parents, and most especially, to the Bishop Michael Eldon School class of 2017, good evening.
I am so incredibly honored to be with you at what I know is one of the finest educational centers in all of this glorious commonwealth called The Bahamas.
This is a little unbelievable, but in just two days it will be 18 years — since June 16, 1999, the night I graduated from Freeport Anglican High School. It has been:
…eighteen years since I was on line to enter this auditorium;
…eighteen years since I sat on this stage as a candidate for graduation;
…eighteen years since I last played Immortal Invisible God Only Wise on 6 of those 12 bass drums;
…And it’s been a little more than eighteen years since, somewhere over here on this left side of the auditorium about midway down, I stood up as my name was called for detention for the last time.
I can only imagine that eighteen years must seem like an awfully long time when you’re only around 18 years old. But I can tell you that it truly seems like just the other day I was a student here during the 90s. That’s when we won back-to-back-to-back national track championships wearing Oakley shades and Nike slippers with white calf-high socks. Back then you prayed that is was cold enough by Mary Star Bazaar and Lighting of the Christmas Tree for you to wear your favorite sports team’s jacket you saved up all year to buy from Champs. It was the style for boys to wear Land belts with the bass buckle with I-stitch Clark shoes, and for girls to have as many Foto Factory wallet-size photos on our key chains as we could get. At one point we also competed to have the frilly-est socks, the tightest flat twists with the most butterfly clips, and lest I forget, our beloved solid-as-a-rock gelled and hair-dried ponytail with pin curls you used to roller set separately, and put in the microwave to dry.
Seriously, at a little more than a 60 years old, even the city of Freeport, our very own Magic City, isn’t even really that old. But, for 52 of those years, we, the Warriors, have been here leading the pack— first as Freeport High, and then as Freeport Anglican High, and now as Bishop Michael Eldon School. Because in the words of Mrs. Doherty: “There are Warriors and there are those who wished they were!”
Since its founding in 1965, our school has literally grown block-by-block, each block representing hundreds of students and thousands of dollars paid by parents. This auditorium was for the longest time, just a beloved hill — the classes of the 1970s know why. For more than 20 years, students and their walk-a-thon sheets, and the late Terry Thomas with his stewardship of the tuck shop, were working to raise the money for this structure, yet still there was no auditorium in sight — just ask someone who was a student back then about it.
But tonight, we are literally in this place because someone sacrificed for it and for us.
For the next few minutes, I’ll be speaking directly to you graduates. Because that is exactly what my Facebook friends all told me to do. They also told me that they couldn’t, in many instances remember a single thing that their graduation speaker said — so I really don’t know if they are the best people to be giving me advice.
I looked at your graduation booklet and decided: these young people know lots about success already. I mean, my God! I had 5 BGCSEs by grade 12. But y’all…y’all are just savaging these people’s national examinations. It’s obvious that you know how to be diligent — far more diligent than me at your age. So after your many years of studying, I realize that my speech is standing in between you and Kayo [it’s the hottest local club for folks their age], and me and Fish Fry [which is the hottest place for folk my age on a Wednesday night — I really did go too, in case you are wondering].
So here is my story — and what I’ve learned in the 18 years since I sat where you are sitting.
You wouldn’t know that; but I almost didn’t graduate high school on time. I don’t know how y’all do it now, but back then they’d put your class rank on one single legal-sized sheet of paper — on the back wall of the AVC room. I was number 57 of 66 — and that’s with the number one student being number one — which is not what you’re shooting for, when your mother was voted Miss Brain of Freeport High's Class of 1978.
As a self-confessed member of too many athletic teams and far too many clubs, I, unlike my mother, was never the quiet student typically beloved by teachers. So high school was, as they say, interesting. So, forgive me when I say: the struggle to get out of this place was real.
Now, to that, my mother, like most parents would say: “If you think life hard now, jus’ keep on living.”
And I am not going to lie. To a great degree, they are kind of right. Life is a wonderful gift, and a superior education does represent an invaluable privilege, but life is kinda’ hard.
Here’s what I know for sure. Success is not an absolution from struggle. In fact, success is just the opposite; it is a kind of last laugh in the face of the challenges that are a natural part of life. Challenges will come, and when they do, you must be as willing to fight for your happiness as much as you will fight for your peace. Because this is the truth — for as many of life’s hardships that we hope to have you avoid, there are many others which are unavoidable — unavoidable, no matter what you do, or how good you do it.
If you live long enough, you will make mistakes; you will attempt to do something that on balance looks like failure. And trust me when I say, no one can see failure in others more than people who in fact, have done little, tried virtually nothing, and risked even less.
But here’s another I know for sure: those who risk nothing, gain nothing.
This is as true in life as it true in love. It is unbelievably, highly likely that at some point over the course of your life, you will fall desperately for at least one person who is undeserving of your love. And when you do, they will attempt to walk out of your life — I want you to let them. Learning to let go of toxic people and places is another one of life’s important keys to success. Trust me when I tell you it is better to be happily single than it is to be miserably attached. When you are with the right people, in the right place, at the right time, you will not have to beg for their love, much less to be in their company.
[See a bootleg video of the speech from this point onward by clicking here.]
More important than who you are with, is who you are. Self-worth is among the most important of life’s keys to success. There is an African proverb that says: “Don’t trust a naked man who offers you a shirt.” Graduates of the class of 2017, don’t be out here naked y’all. In life, you do not attract what you need or even what you want. You attract who you are. One of the best things you can do with this time in your life is to worry about yourself; focus on your own stuff; and deal with your own issues. And if at all possible: wait. Wait until you have achieved some mastery of these things before you get married, and especially before you have children.
Now, if you ever watched the movie Field of Dreams, you’ve heard this before: if you build it, they will come. Now, I haven’t ever heard anyone, anywhere, say, “If you want it built other people will come and build it for you.” So, you must build you. And you must build first — and then, they will increasingly come. The people who deserve your love, the places you wish to occupy, and the recognition you seek will come. In short, if you use your gifts, success will come to you.
Success, then, is as much about you recognizing your unique gifts, skills and talents as it is about you putting those talents to work. But what are you to do when you possess a gift no one else wants you to have — like, for example, the gift of being talkative? Well, you’ve asked to right person because from the time I was a little girl my report card could be counted on to say two things: Crystal is a good student, but she talks too much. The latter opinion did not change once I got to high school. But guess what y’all? 18 years leaving this place, guess what people pay me to do: to talk.
So, if you do not remember anything else I say tonight, remember this: Success is not just for perfect people.
Most successful people have made mistakes. We have had relationships fail; our businesses have lagged; we have been misunderstood; we have been cheated out and on; we have been talked about when we faltered; and we have been broke. And yet, we are still here and we have still managed to eek out some measure of success.
So, if you got on tonight’s processional line, planning on being perfect, please don’t — is not necessary, nor is it reasonable or realistic. If you walked into this stage thinking you are not or cannot be successful because you are not the perfect student, or the perfect athlete, or the perfect test-taker, do not leave the way you came. Take comfort in knowing: every flower does not bloom in the same season.
Yes, moms and dads, teachers and grandparents too, everyone on this stage will not be a doctor. And that is okay. In fact, that is more than okay. This island, this nation, and this world needs capable, passionate, and brilliant people in every field of endeavor. We need skilled physicians as much as we need capable lawyers, trustworthy mechanics, and yes, witty historians too.
Class of 2017, we need you. We need your gifts. Every revolution that has changed the world, has been led by someone like you. Every cure for every disease, every musical cord ever played, every medal ever won, has been achieved by someone like you. In every magical city that has risen to world prominence, there are people whose determination and perseverance, and whose acumen as well as ingenuity have made success possible for someone like you. And for someone like me too.
Those people are our first and some of our best teachers. They are the Bishop Michael Eldons, Anita Osmans, Archdeacon Harry Bains, Sammy Bethels, the Terry Thomases and yes, the David Wallaces too, of our time. But, when history recalls this time, it shall recall the woman:
…who righted us with her Atta Fadda Muddas;
…who walked the halls belting out, “On the left!”;
…who chilled us for F.F.I. — Failure to follow instructions;
…who has every Yanni and Kenny G CD known to man;
…who at some point called every deGregory child at this school McGregor, for reasons still unknown to me;
…who implores each of us to be eagles and not ducks.
His-story shall recall her-story — the story of Anita Louise deGregory Doherty.
…a woman whose very presence had all students, even those not enrolled at her school quaking in our school shoes;
…a woman who did and does not allow us to be stupaloupys;
…a woman who has welcomed students into her office for heart to hearts, into her car for rides, and into her home when they had nowhere else to go.
Anita, because of you, we know that what we say, matters — what we do, matters. What we think about each other, and above all else how we make each other feel, matters.
Yours is a success story each of us would do good to emulate.
And for that Anita, you will always be the queen of our hearts. On behalf of all of us, of every year, everywhere — thank you.
And thank you.
