5 Rules of Living a Gentle Existence
Life can feel like a constant sprint, with society urging us to do more, be more, and never stop. What if you chose a gentler path? What if you put your well-being first? In this article, we’ll dive into living intentionally, setting loving boundaries, and finding peace in small moments.
Rules of Living a Gentle Existence
Don’t stay in situations you don’t want to be in
We’re living in a culture that tells us to take advantage of every opportunity that comes our way. Take that job offer, it’s your one chance for success. Go to that party and meet new people, do you want to die alone? The fear of FOMO keeps us on our toes.
The thing is, rejecting things is inevitable and that’s fine. It’s a busy world and there will always be something you miss out on. Don’t accept situations that make you unsatisfied. Don’t go to events you want no part of, just because everybody will be there. Reject working jobs that make you feel nauseous from stress. Leave relationships that don’t fulfill you. Trying to keep up with the Joneses only serves to make you anxious and depressed.
Set loving but firm boundaries
If you agree to yet another personal favor, work project, or whatever other commitment, ask yourself: “When I am saying ‘yes’ to that responsibility, what am I saying ‘no’ to in terms of my well-being? Am I sacrificing my health, my relationships, my mental state?”
You are your first advocate. Helping others is great, but your oxygen mask needs to be on before you try to put it on someone else. Sometimes you need to tell the needy acquaintance to handle their own problems (though perhaps phrase it more politely). People worthy of keeping in your life will understand the need to assert your limits.
Resist the urge to normalize chronic stress and the never-ending hustle at work. Taking on a huge workload will only lead to burnout. On the other hand, setting healthy boundaries and refusing work to devour your life will make you a better employee in the long run.
Sure, all that’s easier said than done, but start small. Practice saying “no” regularly. Do one small thing every day that makes you happier. Log off and turn off your devices when you want to relax and don’t feel guilty about it. You are allowed to do that.
Take the time to rest
As human beings, we should reject the idea that we must “earn” a living, as opposed to just having the right to live. Silence the aggressively cheerful grindset coach in your head and stop trying to be productive 100% of the time. You only have one body, one brain, and one life. Do you really want to spend it killing yourself for the hustle-focused culture?
You might be the type of person who resists rest. Perhaps you’re a perfectionist, or your racing mind won’t allow you to unplug effectively. Maybe you don’t know what a healthy rest looks like, and you confuse scrolling for an hour with break time.
It could be time for self-reflection. Ask yourself: “Why do I feel the need to refuse respite? What am I afraid of? Am I trying to protect myself from certain feelings by staying busy?”
Romanticize your life
Why not embrace the main character energy and make the existence a bit more awe-inspiring? Being a human can be hard. Finding joy and beauty in the little moments could make it less so. You can just drink your morning coffee and be done with it; or, you can do something to create some magic. Pull out that fancy mug you never use. Add a pinch of cinnamon. Read a paragraph from a book while sipping, or just sit down and take a minute to enjoy the taste, the warmth, the aroma.
At the end of an excruciating day, allow yourself to enjoy that hot shower. Truly feel the water droplets on your skin; breathe in the smell of your soap. Romanticizing the mundane parts of your life, as well as the difficult ones, can help you weather hardships and look at things from a different perspective.
Learn to be comfortable with silence and solitude
In today’s world, with a constant buzz of platitudes, sales pitches, boasting, and “catching up,” there’s value in staying silent. Being comfortable with silence can be as simple as allowing the occasional lull in a conversation, or accepting that there are ebbs and flows in any relationship; periods of comradery and periods of quiet. Some say that’s how you know the friendship is genuine: when you can just not talk to each other for a bit and still feel at ease.
Similarly, there’s a value in being alone and content. Learn how to be happy in your own company. Go out by yourself to a restaurant or cinema. It may feel strange at first, but over time you will come to appreciate those moments without the pressure to perform for others. Realize that you are complete even when you’re not in a romantic relationship. There is so much fulfillment to be found outside those connections, and it’s there for you to find it.
“Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery it is. In the boredom and pain of it, no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it, because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.” — Frederick Buechner
Sources:
Scholz, A., Wendsche, J., Ghadiri, A., Singh, U., Peters, T., & Schneider, S. (2019). Methods in Experimental Work Break Research: A Scoping Review. International journal of environmental research and public health, 16(20), 3844. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph16203844
Vannucci, A., Flannery, K. M., & Ohannessian, C. M. (2017). Social media use and anxiety in emerging adults. Journal of affective disorders, 207, 163–166. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2016.08.040
