What is emotional intelligence? 6 steps to better your skills in society

In today’s society, everything concrete and abstract is measured in success: financial success, personal success, professional success. But success does not have limits — it extends beyond these areas. Both IQ (intelligence quotient) and EQ (emotional quotient) play significant roles in achieving our goals, however it is now said that the theory whereby IQ should be considered the definitive factor in assessing an individual’s accomplishment might be outdated. Neglected for a long time, the term ‘emotional intelligence’ (EI), meaning one’s ability to understand, manage and use emotions, entered the annals of academia in 1964, but was popularized by Daniel Goleman only 30 years later in Emotional Intelligence — Why it can matter more than IQ. In a nutshell, he postulates that EI actually comprises a set of competencies which are not innate, but rather learned capabilities over the course of our lives. These are:

• self-awareness — being aware and conscious of your feelings
• self-regulation — being able to control them
• social skills — managing relationships to get along with others
• social awareness/empathy — being considerate and understanding of others’ emotions
• motivation — knowing what motivates your emotions

Now, putting theory aside, let’s see how you can improve your emotional intelligence in 7 easy steps:

1. Practice active listening: It is not enough to simply (passively) listen to members of your social circle. To ensure a better relationship between you and your interlocutor, try using verbal and non-verbal techniques to show you are engaged with and that you fully comprehend what the speaker is telling you. These techniques can include asking questions along for clarification, nodding, maintaining eye contact and even sharing similar experiences.
2. Try journaling: This practice is often side-lined due to lack of time or interest, but it has been proved to be a very efficient method that helps with your emotional intelligence and control of your internal feelings. Writing down your thoughts after a long day spent at work or with your friends leads to a more accurate reflection of your actions and can help you view patterns in your behavior — for instance, what motivated you to react so negatively to that comment you randomly heard on the street yesterday?
3. Read literature/fiction: Book lovers, this one’s for you! You already know that reading has tremendous benefits for our wellbeing, but did you know it has THIS benefit as well? When we are reading all sorts of fiction, we are spiritually interacting with the narrative, getting to know the background of the characters that populate the story. In doing so, we are empathizing (a key word here) with them and their situations, empathy that is then transferred as a great social skill we could use at the workplace, in friendships and even in unexpected circumstances!
4. Listen to feedback: A very important piece of advice — listen to feedback but also don’t forget to act on it too! Depending on the setting, it would be a good idea to ask your work colleague, your boss, or your partner how well they think you are responding to stressful events under pressure or handling conflict. Their answers might not offer you satisfaction, but they will definitely motivate you to change some aspects of your social etiquette, if necessary.
5. Stay positive: As the old saying goes, always try to see the full side of the glass! By following this tip, you reduce or even succeed in eliminating unnecessary stress and pressure, encouraging in turn better concentration, teamwork and further problem-solving and productivity! Put aside negativity and embrace positivity to add it to your emotional intelligence CV!
6. Be open minded: Individuals who practice active listening have a very high chance to be open minded as well — these 2 traits are heavily interconnected. They are eager to learn new things and position themselves into new and undiscovered perspectives by empathizing and actively listening to other people. What is more, via reading, they broaden their horizons by understanding and taking on board others’ opinions and views even though sometimes these might not coincide with theirs.

In conclusion, it is not enough to hone your intellectual, logical skills. Focus on developing your emotional intelligence too and to achieve this, it is crucial that you interact with other people, having meaningful conversations with them, jotting thoughts down with a view to knowing yourself better and always try to see the positives in everything you see and do — you will thank your soul later!

References

Cherry, K. (2013, October 11). IQ vs. EQ: Which One Is More Important?. Verywellmind. https://www.verywellmind.com/iq-or-eq-which-one-is-more-important-2795287.

Goleman D. (1998). What makes a leader?. Harvard Business Review, 76(6), 93–102.

Landry, L. (2019, October 23). Emotional Intelligence Skills: What They Are & How to Develop Them | HBS Online. Harvard Business School Online. https://online.hbs.edu/blog/post/emotional-intelligence-skills.