Don’t Let Yourself Be Caught by Crabs

When Others Hold You Back

“If I can’t have it, neither can you, so I’ll not allow you to get it.”

It is not just in your head or the product of your imagination: when you decide to do something for yourself, in order to “improve”, to evolve, to grow, you can immediately feel people around you trying to stop you in various forms. It can be a friend, a neighbour, a colleague or even someone from your family.

It seems that action offends the inactive.

Fishermen tell stories about how crabs behave when they are caught. When they catch the first crab, fishermen know they should cover the bucket otherwise it will get out. Starting with the second crab, they no longer put the lid on because a very interesting phenomenon is happening: the crab that would try to get out of the bucket is pulled back by the other or the others. So any crab that tries to escape is invariably pulled back by the others. Nice guys, aren’t they? :)

Crab mentality is similar to “zero sum thinking” or “tall poppy syndrome”.

Who pulls you back when you want to stick your head out?

Do you go to personal development courses? “Pfff, they’ll brainwash you there.”

Do you go to a psychologist, a counselor or a coach? “But why do you need others to tell you what to do? You can manage everything by yourself, you must be strong!”

Are you starting to impose limits on those around you and put yourself first? “You’ve changed lately, you are not you anymore”.

Do you want to take a course or do your PhD? “But aren’t you tired of diplomas? What else do you need? ”

Are you starting a nutrition and fitness program, do you want to get in shape, look good and feel comfortable in your own skin? “Alas, do you want to look bulky? Disgraceful! You spend too much time at the gym and you’re destroying your stomach with that diet. Plus, if someone loves you, they will love you anyway and thinking about your looks makes you a superficial person, right? ”

Sabotage attempts don’t take long to appear, sometimes very subtle: they give you food that does not fit into your nutrition plan, they express their concern about your new lifestyle; other times they are more direct, when they are upset because your new choices affect their lives (they no longer have a junk food partner, couch surfing friend, or victimisation/gossip partner, etc.)

When you set a goal or start a growth program (in any sense), you arouse the frustrations of those who still do not want to move, to get out of their bucket and you emphasize their weaknesses. Get out of the bucket! Remember that the action offends the inactive but this is their problem, not yours. They have a hard time being happy for others because they are reminded of their own failures and laziness. Instead of being jealous, they should make an effort in order to succeed on their own but they don’t want to face it. They stay in the bucket and they want to keep you there with them.

What kind of people do you keep in your life? Are they your crabs or your supporters?

Crabs are easy to recognize:

“This business will never be successful”

“You don’t stand a chance”

“Why bother? You cannot afford that!”

“You are not smart/talented/beautiful enough”

Don’t listen to the crabs, look for another point of view, practice confidence and stability. Trust your abilities, be confident and leave toxic relationships behind. Keep people who encourage and inspire you close.

And don’t be a crab !! ;)

You cannot reach the top just by pulling others down. On the contrary! This should be taught by our families in early years of our childhood and in schools.

So, identify and neutralize ”crab mentality”, be happy for those around you and focus on yourself so that you can be successful like them. Don’t compete with others, instead help one another to reach the top. And don’t let yourself be trapped in someone else’s bucket!

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