How to overcome emotional dependence
It's completely normal to want emotional support in a romantic relationship. It's one of the telltale signs of a healthy partnership when emotional support is reciprocal, both given and received. Most people's lives, like mine, are improved when They are in a satisfying and loving relationship. They feel more alive, and it adds sparkle. At the same time, when the desire for emotional support turns into emotional dependence, it can lead to toxic relationship dynamics that, over time, have the power to destroy a relationship.
Warning signs indicating the presence of emotional dependence include:
The addicted person has a constant fear of being abandoned,
Feels insecure and anxious.
Has a constant fear of being rejected,
She has an incessant need to be reassured.
A person with dependent personality disorder fears separation, feels uncomfortable and helpless when alone, and has an excessive need to be taken care of. This results in submissive and dependent behavior. As soon as an intimate relationship breaks down, the person seeks another source of attention and support.
You may recognize similar behavior in yourself that has resulted in considerable suffering. If this is the case, I suggest you contact a mental health professional who can help you better understand these behaviors. He will be able to provide you with tools to achieve a healthy level of emotional dependence and create a better overall quality of life. It’s possible!
Have you had enough and are ready to get out of emotional dependence? Here’s how you can do it:
- You can’t give yourself too much kindness
When you notice your inner critic arising, slow it down, and acknowledge the thoughts but don't get locked into them (check out my article on cognitive defusion to learn how to do this). Know that your thoughts are not the truth. Often they are just the voice of an internalized primary caregiver or a way you have learned to make sense of your world. This is when kindness is needed!
2. Take your needs seriously and be there for you
The irony of wanting to be less “needy” is that the solution is to recognize that your needs are very important and will not go away if you ignore them. Emotional dependence is often the result of expecting someone else to meet your needs and neglecting them yourself.
To achieve emotional health, you must understand that you are responsible for meeting your own emotional needs. If someone else helps you do it, that's a bonus, but you can't count on it.
Let's say your partner hasn't met your emotional needs lately. You feel insignificant, alone, jealous, or unloved. Instead of seeking reassurance from him, I encourage you to look at the situation from another angle. That is, you need to take ownership of your needs and ask yourself how you could be there for yourself and meet your emotional needs right now. How could you show up in a caring and encouraging way?
3. Calm down regularly
The addicted person of emotional addiction often feels on edge, waiting for the next shoe to drop, having muscle tension, and suffering from constant feelings of anxiety and fear.
4. Stop putting yourself down and being hard on yourself
If you suffer from emotional dependence, you may often be harsh on yourself and use negative self-talk. This contributes to getting you stuck in this counterproductive loop and creates a growing feeling of anxiety and sadness.
Self-cruelty is considered “abuse of the inner child,” a form of emotional sadism that has gone unnoticed in the absence of your compassionate supervision.
Imagine meeting a lost child on the street. The child is afraid, lonely, upset, or otherwise feels helpless. Should I ignore the child or say “Shut up!”, or tell him “Don't feel that way, it's stupid!”? Or would it be more helpful to listen to this child, try to understand them, offer a hug and comfort, or kind words and encouragement?
The first step to becoming a friend to yourself is to be able to express and listen to your hurt and helpless inner child, and show yourself as a kind and encouraging friend. Positive self-talk and self-compassion will be key ingredients in your healing process.
5. Create the best life possible regardless of your relationship.
Focus on your own life and how to make it more vibrant and satisfying for yourself! Explore how your life can be a positive force in this world. This life is a gift. Take advantage of it to get as much joy and fulfillment as possible.
There is no life without pain and disappointment for each of us,” It happens!! “. Focus on what you can have total control of in your life! There are so many things you can do to make your life enjoyable and increase your emotional health and overall fulfillment.
