#WeNeedMoreCandor
People need to be more honest. If it makes her butt look big, tell her. If his investor deck is shit, let him know. If he’s being a jerk to his employees, he should know that. Your newborn is ugly. It’s cool, mine was too. And so was I. It’s a fact of life — newborns are not pretty. The experience is the most beautiful thing, the greatest gift of being human. But the outcome of the experience? Not so much.
It’s OK to admit that and to be candid about that. If we can have these honest, candid conversations, we can build stronger relationships and create greater progress.
#WeNeedMoreCandor because it builds confidence. For instance, children need to know that there are winners and losers. [Enough of this everyone-gets-a-ribbon bullshit. It demeans the talent and work put in by those who succeed, and builds a false sense of confidence in those who choose not to hustle. Or, more accurately, in the parents of those who choose not to encourage their kids to hustle. Imagine who he would be today, and how he might act, if Trump had to accept and overcome failure when he was younger?] My 10 year old son knows he’s a spaz who sucks at soccer and baseball and pretty much all sports.
But he kills it when it comes to Minecraft or drinking gasoline in Job Simulator. He can barely ride a bike, can barely swim, and can’t skate or ski a lick. He doesn’t want to be a loser on the athletic field (plus he’s also lazy like his dad) so he found the virtual field where he excels, and he owns it like a boss.
#WeNeedMoreCandor because it affects how we learn about and prepare for life. I teach midwestern business college juniors and seniors, and I found companies aimed at helping them prepare for the career that awaits them after college. [Why do I found companies on top of my cushy professorial gig? Because the academic institutions generally suck at effectively preparing students for careers — but that’s a whole different #WeNeedMore post.] My students are, for the most part, around 21 year old students either from Central Illinois or the nicer suburbs of Chicago. They suck at candor — both receiving it and certainly giving it. They (and by “they” I mean the vast, vast majority of the roughly 1,500 kids I’ve had through my classroom and office doors the last six years) have been trained to wait for everything.
Wait to be told what to do. Wait to be told how to do it. Wait to be told how they did. Wait to be told how to do it better. They wait for feedback and direction, and then don’t know what to do with it when it’s honest. [You should be proud of yourselves moms and dads — you fucked ’em up good. Don’t worry, I’ve been doing my best to fuck up my boy as well. I know that, can accept that, and work to improve it.] Someone needs to kick them in the ass and tell them to stop waiting.
Candor is about communication, and the purpose behind it. I want to help those I connect with learn and grow and achieve their goals. I also don’t want to waste my or their time. So I’m canderous (is that a word? It should be if it isn’t — has a nice ring to it). If their idea sucks, I tell them so (but then I lead them to discover why and what a more impactful version might be and how to test that assumption out). If they’re shying away from something difficult, I tell them to get a backbone and face whatever challenge they’re scared of. I lead them to discover their confidence through highlighting their past successes and how they’ve overcome failures in the past.
If you ask someone a question, don’t you want the answer? I do. Otherwise, why ask? Because we’re supposed to? Because it’s the polite thing to do. I don’t have time for all that, and I imagine not many other people do as well. We are a hustle-and-bustle society in a measured-by-nanoseconds existence. We check our email while catching a Pokemon while consulting our life coach while liking the latest Kim K butt shot while sipping a half double decaffeinated half-caf, with a twist of lemon while . . . you get the idea. Quit wasting my time and quit wasting yours.
Answer the question. Honestly.
Share your opinion. Candidly.
It’s OK to be negative, but always invite the target of your negativity to discover the silver lining with you. I’m not saying we need to belittle and demean each other. But we need to give each other the respect of honesty.
#WeNeedMoreCandor. And it starts with me and with you. Me, I’m going to share my thoughts here, in all their candor. My plea for candor starts with me. I am a narcissist. I don’t like most people (children especially). I think I’m smarter and can do a better job than most folks. I can’t stand displays of emotion (mine or others). I believe I can tear down and rebuild our higher education system. I disrupt things.
What’s one thing you will do to be more candid today? Here’s a start — tell me what you think of this post — does it suck, am I an idiot, did I hit the nail on the head? Don’t just tell me that, explain why.
If it was like fingernails on a chalkboard for you to read, let me know how it could be better (although if this were true, you likely didn’t read this far). If you were nodding your head and smiling, let me know how to make it better. More GIFs? More examples? More f-bombs?
