5 Things You Should Never Say to Someone with Anxiety
“It’s all in your head” REALLY doesn’t help.
It’s hard for people who don’t deal with anxiety to … get it. Here at Moodica we’re a safe space for zen and relaxation which means this is an important issue to us. Those who don’t deal with it on a daily basis tend to write it off as just being “overly emotional” or “easily stressed.” And that’s for a very valid reason: every single person gets anxious from time to time. Therefore, anxiety doesn’t hold weight with people who think “yeah, I get stressed out too but I deal with it.”
Let me put this clearly: when you deal with anxiety, it’s not the same thing as being stressed out. It means that your reality is not our reality.
That being said, most of the time people really do mean well. Our friends and family, for the most part, genuinely care about the extreme distress we’re encountering…they just legitimately don’t know what to say. (As someone who excels at saying the wrong thing at the wrong time? I get it.)
Here are 5 things you should never say to someone who suffers from anxiety:
#1. “Calm Down.”
Um…ok! Why didn’t I think of that?! Psychology Today puts it this way: “telling someone with an anxiety disorder to calm down is like telling someone to stop sneezing.” You. Can’t. Also, pro-tip: anxiety and stress are not mutually exclusive. One of the worst panic attacks I’ve ever had was on vacation in a completely relaxed, disconnected environment.
#2. “Everything’s gonna be OK.”
Those with anxiety won’t often react to those comforting words like others might. Telling someone with anxiety that ‘everything will be fine,’ can fall on deaf ears since their tendency to believe it is nil.
#3. “I get stressed-out, too.”
That’s nice. But. Look, I know you mean well, but there’s a bit of condescension in there — even a bit of trivializing the issue. Think of stress as checkers, and anxiety as…chess.
#4. “Let’s get a drink; it’ll help.”
Yeah, it might for the moment but medicating with alcohol is no-no #1 for people with anxiety. They tend to have obsessive-compulsive personalities, and urging them to use alcohol as a way to cope is treading on dangerous, dangerous ground.
#5. “It’s all in your mind.”
Ummmm. The problem with that? People with anxiety have EVIL BRAINS. They are wired differently than yours and we are in a constant arm-wrestle with it. Sometimes the brain wins the arm wrestle and when that happens, you better believe, it becomes a very physical experience.
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