4 Rules for being the cool older friend
As people in our 30’s, 40’s and beyond who have maintained a level of coolness, I think it’s important for us to discuss how we interact with our younger friends. Obviously, it’s inevitable that we are going to have a portion of our friends who are younger — you know, since we’re cool. Personally, my pool of friends and acquaintances that I like, include people as young as their early 20’s and as mature as people in their mid 60's.
How we interact with our younger friends can have a huge impact in their lives and allow us to have friendships that keep us in touch with what’s going on. Our younger friends also have the potential to widen our views of society as they navigate a changing world to find themselves. When interacting with my younger friends I try my best to follow a few basic rules:
4/ Be open to different spaces
The older I get, the more I find comfort hanging out at the same places. A side benefit to having younger friends is the willingness for them to discover new places. If a new place to meet up is recommended to me I rarely say no. You never know when you’ll find a new restaurant, bar, club or cafe that will become a new favorite
3/ The conversation isn’t always about you
Just because I’ve been somewhere my friend is dreaming about going, or because of my age friends tend to allow me to talk about nothing (as a sign of respect), it doesn’t mean that every conversation should center around me. I always try to give my pals space to take the lead in conversations.
2/ Be a friend not a mentor
A big concern that I always have, is power constructs in relationships. Personally, I feel that mentors have power over those that they advise. I never want to be in a relationship where the people around me feel inferior to me. Unless I’m paying someone’s bills as an employer, or I become a parent or legal guardian, the people around me should always feel on equal level. This is especially so for my friends and acquaintances. Also, I’m not big on unsolicited advice. If you’re my friend, you’re likely an intelligent person who can figure things out. A good friend makes sure that their friend knows that they are there for them. I can just listen, or give advice if requested. I don’t push unwanted suggestions onto someone.
1/ Just because you’re older doesn’t make you smarter
Sometimes, the best thing to do when surrounded by excited, younger people is to sit down and attentively listen. I can’t tell you how much I’ve learned by doing that.
