How to Date Strategically, Using Tinder
Whether you love it or loath it, Tinder has been the most impactful change to dating in the past 20 years. With roughly 50 million users, the now infamous dating app has permanently altered the way people date and interact around the world. Despite so many using the app, there is a noticeably large percent of individuals that are not using the app effectively. Putting in little to no effort into one’s dating life is very easy and most are going to do that, but those same people are likely going to having unpleasant dating experiences and relationships throughout their lives. Utilizing just a little bit of planning can raise your appeal to those you are looking to date, and will hopefully make you a happier person and better lover. The strategies outlined are not to be followed to the letter, but should be considered as fluid guidelines. Most are rooted in logic and arranged in chronological order but, some will not be applicable to you in every situation. Hopefully this article will help you navigate the brutal wasteland that is dating in the 21 century.
Laying the groundwork.
Before you even open Tinder, you need to ask yourself, “What am I looking for?” This question seems a bit ridiculous, but look around, many users write in their bio statements such as, “I don’t know what I am looking for” or “I don’t know why I am on here.” Statements like those show an inherent lack of confidence, and will drive away anyone worth dating. On the other hand writing exactly what you want in a bio is equally unappealing but in a different way, statements like “Just looking for something casual.” Or “I want something serious” can be a bit off putting and does not belong in your bio. Never lose sight of what you want, whether it is a stable relationship, casual sex, or marriage, it is your dating life and you need to take control. However it is imperative you keep your goals to yourself until an appropriate time.
Purchase Tinder Plus, the paid version offers several advantages over the free app, the most notable features are the ability to super like, view different cities and backtrack. But this also has a psychological impact, suddenly you have a stake in the company, you are buying a service and want to get back what you have paid for. This puts skin in the game and will help you to be a little more focused.
Selecting pictures, arguably the most important and urgent phase of this process. The majority of us will swipe left or right on the first profile picture alone. Having a flattering profile picture and several other good pictures will dramatically increase your chances of getting matches. The three most important pictures to have are, a formal attire picture (being the profile picture), a casual attire picture, and a group shot, all taken with in that year. Formal and casual should be you and you alone in these pictures, having others in the first two pictures will lead to confusion and possibly jealously. Now to the group shot, this is to let those viewing your profile that you have at least the semblance of a social life, and allows you a chance to show off a bit. If you are doing something interesting, from Cross Fit to Habitat for Humanity, now is your chance to flaunt what it is that you enjoy doing. This is also an acceptable picture to show a little skin if you are doing something sporty. Other pictures are acceptable, but are not imperative, casual and formal attire are a most have.
If pictures are the bait with in Tinder, then the bio is the line to reel in your catch. An engaging bio is short, lighthearted, and a little bit clever if manageable. Do not forget that this is an app built around speed. Anything longer than a paragraph will likely go unread. So keep the bio within four sentences, stick with topics such as hobbies, work life, and education, and if possible add a joke. Having a small bio will spark interest but not play all your cards too soon and will also help you mitigate grammatical errors. It is also a very good sign that some is investing some time in reading what you have written.
Mixing and matching
Now that you have a solid profile, matching is the next step. When looking for a match look for people employing tactics similar to your own, this is a good indicator that they are putting some effort into dating as well. Be generous with your likes there is always a chance that going out of your comfort zone will lead to something new and exciting. If you have deal breakers simply avoid those people who violate your personal rules, and do not complain about those people. Make sure to have some fun with this part.
Once matched attempt to be the one who begins the conversation and attempt to begin the conversation by the end of the day. This puts momentum in your favor and adds a level of boldness to your image. Make sure to keep the conversation light and to read prospective dates profile in its entirety. Your conversations should start out with simple and general questions in order to get a feel for who you are speaking to, follow this by going for more in-depth questions to see if you can date this person. Make sure you save some questions for a future date though.
Asking your match out on a date, this should be done within a few conversations (which should be around a week) if you believe you like the person. You have now raised your level of boldness even higher, not only have you started the conversation but you are asking them out on a date as well. A word of caution, the hard facts is there is only a 50/50 shot they will say yes, if they say yes, congratulations. If you are dealt a definitive no, that’s okay simply move on. No is the second best answer you can get because it is definitive and saves you time as opposed to someone who feigns interest only to stand you up later on.
This step is critical….before asking someone out on a date, make certain you have two preplanned locations. Nothing is more unappealing than the question “I know don’t know what do you want to do?” This statement will shatter the bold image that you have been cultivating in previous steps. Do not be inconsiderate, make sure the place is close by both of you and make sure if your date has dietary issues the locations can accommodate. Taking control of the location will easy your nerves a little on top of making you appear to be knowledgeable, adding to the bold and appealing image you have created thus far. Being prepared will make you appear even more appealing in the eyes of your date.
Since you are knowledgeable of the location put together some preplanned outfits. When in Rome do as the Romans, it can be off putting dressing too formally or too casually when going out. Look to break even with your attire, casual coffee shop requires a casual attire, not your Sunday best. This preplanned outfit will also save you time and insure you that you are putting your best foot forward on the first date
Closing the deal
Congratulations, you have made it past the digital analog threshold and you are on a date with this lovely individual. To keep the evening going smoothly, have few questions lined up, if you are drawing a blank simply review past conversations, and find out what you have missed. Make sure when asking questions you follow up and give a little bit of your opinion on their answer, this is letting your date know that you are listening and allows for a more natural conversation. Avoid at all cost the mechanically asking question after question approach, which can be viewed as disingenuous. It is within your control to keep the conversation moving naturally and smoothly.
On physical contact, this is the first date so touching should be limited, a hug or a brush of the arm is perfectly acceptable. Remember that getting too close can be uncomfortable for some individuals. Going in for a kiss at the end of the date is acceptable but keep in mind, you may not always lock lips, but it doesn’t hurt to make an attempt.
On timing, try not to stretch the date out to more than an hour to an hour and a half, remember attempt to break even. If you are having a great time you can keep the momentum going but do not stretch the date out longer than what is natural. If you feel that the date has gone on long enough, end the evening definitively when an opening is presented. When you part ways and you get to your next location send your date a message, it can be as simple as wishing them a good rest of their day, this is surprisingly very attractive and genuine.
Tips and tricks
Although not suggested, sleeping with a date on the first night is perfectly permissible. The positive side is you managed to have sex with your date, the negative side is it breaks the sexual tension. And when done properly, sexual tension can be an incredibly seductive tool.
Your phone is on airplane mode or at the very least have the Wi-Fi and data turned off, you should be giving your date your utmost attention.
If you are a woman and want to ask the man out two options are present, simply ask him out or ask what he is doing in the not too distant future. The second option is a clever way to retain control without crushing egos or coming across as controlling. These two options can of course be utilized by men.
Float complements, particularly about taste, attire or lifestyle. Humans are all insecure to some extent and reaffirming something they hold dear will brighten their evening.
Do not be ashamed of using Tinder, dating services has been used throughout history, albeit under different names. In disbelief? Read Deported Homosexual by I, Pierre Seel, the author finds a wife using a service that works similar to an analog form of Tinder. Bringing dating to an app is simply the next logical step in the evolution of dating.
If stood up, celebrate, you have discovered that the person you are after is likely untrustworthy, move on to other options.
And, keep your options open. Remember, you are dating, you are not in a relationship. It is permissible and even recommended to go on multiple dates a week if you so desire. Do not bring this up unless you are attempting to put together a threesome, there is no reason otherwise.
If you are not attracted to the person after a date or two, end things between the two of you, lingering and cruelty are almost synonymous in love life.
Dating is an art form not a science. If there was a definitive system, then everyone would be in a relationship. Employ these strategies and modify them as you see fit, remember do not just regurgitate information or follow blindly. Utilize and revise.
Understand you will have more failures than victories, this is reality not a Romantic Comedy and the truth is you will fail far more often than you will succeed. Do not get down on yourself and do not linger on the past.
