Export Trader

He is a sales executive in the export sector. Only forty three years old, he already considers himself too old. Too old for any new challenges. Too old for any new skills, such as conversational English for instance. He wished he could be young once again in this whole new world brought about by the market economy. He could see himself accomplishing a lot more in today’s society where individuals have more choices and freedom to shape their own lives. He could imagine himself being in a very different career path than he is today. He could think of himself making a completely different set of choices in life that would give him a much more enriched life than he has today.

But reality is, he is not young anymore. He no longer has ample of energy to pursue his aspirations no matter how grand they are.

“I am just like an outdated personal computer running on an old system with no free memory space for new programs and no possibilities fo any upgrades,” he said. Perhaps for a person who had constantly adapt to paradigm shifts in the last two decades as China moved from a planned economy to market-based one, there is really no more room for any drastic changes.

I asked him whether he had any regrets in life. “Not at all,” he uttered instantly without thinking. But there are certain things he wished he had done earlier in his life.

For example, he wished he had received a university education. Born to an illiterate family, he considers himself lucky enough to have completed high school with financial support from his family. But his parents would rather he start earning his own living and become independent as early as possible. That’s why he didn’t continue on to university.

Then there were times he could have profited tremendously by becoming an entrepreneur when the economy was in transition. But at the backdrop of constant ideology shifts in the past, he was not certain whether capitalism would stay for good. Rewards were not guaranteed. The risks of losing everything were too high. He chose income security and welfare benefits instead.

Certainly, his life had never been easy and is full of complexities that cannot be easily explained in sheer volume of written words. But he is not sobbed at all about the past. In fact, he left me the impression that he “knew the biddings of Heaven”, as in Conficus’ life when he was fifty.”*

Today he sees there are not many years lying in front of him. He only wants to try a bit of everything this whole new world that consumerism has to offer and do whatever he feels like. At this age, he thinks it is more appropriate to put more thoughts into old age life.

“I really would like to spend time studying after I retire”, he said.

*See The Analects of Confucius translated and annotated by Arthur Waley.