NBA Season Countdown: Four of the Best
There are now only four days, or 92 hours and 44 minutes, until a meaningful NBA game is played. My Memphis Grizzlies are putting the finishing touches on a 41 point spanking of Cousins and Davis, and I’m already booking a flight down south to celebrate their 2018 NBA Championship next summer. Speaking of premature excitement, Joel Embiid stepped on the court last night and feasted on Barbecue Chicken! The big man’s 22 point performance in 14 minutes took social media by storm, something he is known to do. As such, we are going to celebrate The Process’ 4 best (undeleted) tweets. Without further ado…
[Edit: Literally 15 minutes after I posted this Embiid delivered more gold and sparked a Twitter feud with Hassan Whiteside. Fuck Embiid is so cool.]
[Double edit: I’m now officially losing my mind. KD who?]
Honorable Mention
Embiid’s educational video tweet on draft day was his best social media post to date, however our strict rules indicate that the post has to still be active on Joel’s account in order to crack the list. Unfortunately, Joel took the post down but it will continue to live on for eternity in my heart and on YouTube. At age 23, it is impressive that JoJo is prepared to avoid the baby mama drama that many NBA stars fall victim to by using a deft euro step and silky finger roll. Dwight Howard would like a word with you…
Number 4. September 25th 2014
Joel’s introduction to the world of NBA social media began with a bang. When the 2014 draft rolled around and the 76ers nabbed Embiid with the third pick, his immediate reaction instantaneously became a legendary screen grab. To this day Embiid insists that his reaction was on tape delay and that he was actually all smiles about heading to Philly, but that glare above tells an entirely different story. That is the look of a man who is preparing to receive entry passes from the likes of Michael Carter-Williams and Alexey Shved for an entire season.
Embiid managed to flip this potential embarrassment on its head with a number of hilariously self-deprecating jokes like the one above. The key to winning at social media is to have a relatable meme handy, and the versatility of draft day Embiid is incredible. Three years later it can still be used with captions such as “When the bar runs out of shirley temples”, or “Watching Ben Simmons take a jumpshot like”, or “when Dwight Howard gets asked to name all of his kids”. Embiid’s draft day meme propelled him out of the atmosphere and into the uppermost stratosphere of the Twittersphere! He hasn’t looked back since.
Number 3. August 19th 2014
After spending two years in the NBA without actually playing a single minute of professional basketball, analysts and media members were concerned with Embiid’s fragility. They were worried about his injuries and that he couldn’t survive banging down low in the post throughout the season grind. He didn’t have the grit. But for those of us who followed Joel’s social media activity from the start knew that the man was fearless.
Don’t believe me? Read that tweet over again. One more time.
When I first read that my mind was blown. It is two parts fearless and three parts genius. First, the balls it takes to announce to 900k of your followers that you’re openly sliding into not just a girl’s DMs, but a ratchet girl’s DMs, is unparalleled. I don’t exactly know what ‘ratchet’ is, but I assume it falls under the ‘thot’ umbrella, which is a distant cousin of the ‘hoochie’ family. Secondly, there is a method to Embiid’s madness, which is why this tweet ascended to the third spot. He is hiding in plain sight! If the whole world knows he’s openly throwing out DMs then no one can expose him. It’s just locker room talk after all. Embiid doesn’t have to worry about getting blown up like J.R ‘You Tryin’ to get the Pipe‘ Smith.
Number 2. June 30th 2017
The Twitter world has complained endlessly about conference disparity in the wake of bonafide stars Jimmy Butler, Paul George, Melo, and Jonas Jerebko heading west. Amidst this doom and gloom, Jojo managed to see the silver lining. Nostradamus Embiid has let it be known to the Indiana’s and Detroit’s of the world that the hallowed eighth seed will not be theirs, no matter how many hours Andre Drummond logs with his Virtual Reality kit (playing 2k on his PS4) to improve his free throw percentage. Jojo has already beaten Twitter, now it’s time to let his presence be known in the Playoffs.
Number 1. June 22nd 2017
Embiid popping off on Lavar Ball sets up the most exciting player vs. relative showdown since Chris Bosh’s cousin and girlfriend heckled LeBron to the point where he eviscerated the entire Raptors team nearly a decade ago. Mrs. Bosh was so embarrassed that she had no choice but to send Chris to South Beach to play for the King. I envision Embiid vs. Lavar ending in similar fashion. (Note: Vince McMahon is currently drafting this same storyline but with steel cages and special guest referees).
First off, I love Lavar Ball and everything he represents. His story is the classic tale of becoming a below-average college player, stealing Magic Johnson’s man juice to produce three freak athletic studs, calling out every member of the NBA including the GOAT, turning your family into a brand, selling your inaugural shoe for the price of a small island, getting your son drafted to the Lakers, act like a crazed lunatic on WWE Monday Night Raw, and then ultimately landing a reality TV show. Lavar Ball is the American Dream. In fact I think it was Thomas Jefferson who first said ‘stay in your lane’ to John Adams on The Herd.
With that being said, I cannot wait for November 15th. I’m far too excited for Embiid to swat a Lonzo lay-up into the 6th row towards Lavar, give him the Dikembe finger wag, climb into the bleachers ala Ron Artest and finish Lavar off with a Stone Cold Stunner. Embiid will then celebrate the only way he knows how — by cracking two Shirley Temples together and chugging them in front of the celebrity filled Staples Center. Rihanna will be in attendance and will regret ever rejecting rookie Joel. Never reject the Process.
