We’re Dying. Here’s How to Make Better Decisions.

The night my friend died, I spent 20 minutes debating whether to order takeout or just scavenge through my fridge for leftovers. I’d already scrolled through three different food delivery apps, weighing the pros and cons of pad Thai versus a burrito bowl, when my phone buzzed. The text was short. Just five words: “Call me. It’s about Sam*.”

At first, I didn’t even register the weight of it. I thought maybe Sam had gotten into some drama — maybe another bad breakup, another dumb story to laugh about later. But as soon as I called, I knew. Before they said anything. When they finally spoke, the words didn’t even seem real. “Sam’s gone,” they said. And I just sat there, staring at my stupid phone with Uber Eats still open on the screen, an unfinished burrito order mocking me.

I wish I could say I broke down right away, but I didn’t. It was like my brain refused to process it. Instead, I went into autopilot mode. First thought: Do I cancel the food order? Second thought: Should I tell anyone? Third thought: What am I supposed to do now? I ended up pacing around my apartment for ten minutes, pretending to look busy, before finally sitting down on the couch and scrolling Instagram like a zombie.

The grief didn’t hit me until the next morning. I was brushing my teeth when I realized I’d never hear Sam’s laugh again…