The Better Sin

He was definitely different. He knew he was. He denied it for as long as he could.

He was four when he first realized he was different. He wanted to break into his mom’s supply of makeup and become a princess. He knew they didn’t accept him like that so he had to lie. Why is it that the same people who always taught him not to lie were forcing him to? Instead he threw on a baseball cap and played in the dirt to try to fit in. He pushed his feelings down and lied to himself.

He got to middle school and saw the girls wearing heels. He wanted to be just like them. He wondered why they were allowed to, but he wasn’t. He reluctantly put on his ratty old sneakers and got on the bus. He pushed the feelings down and lied to himself.

When high school came it was really tough. More than ever he wanted to let his feelings out, but he knew the other kids would tease him relentlessly. He stayed home alone on prom night, instead of wearing the beautiful blue lace dress he found online. He pushed the feelings down and lied to himself.

College came and he was done. He was about to explode. There was not much room left to push the feelings down. The fight against his true urges was an uphill battle. He just kept lying.

He was living in his own apartment and he met a guy. He was about to do what he had always done, and push the feelings down… Down? Down, where? There was no more room. They shot out of him like firecrackers.

He wanted to wear makeup. He wanted to wear heels and dresses. He wanted to marry the man he loved. So he did. He stopped lying.

Lying is wrong, right? Gay marriage is wrong, right? No! How can they both be wrong? If you are gay but, can’t get married, are you lying? You lie to yourself the most. You hurt yourself by not being the person you actually are. You are only playing the person they want you to be.

Lying is supposed to be a sin. According to the Bible, only the honest people are truly holy. People go to confession to tell the church all the unjust things they have done. And why? Just to be exiled from their place of worship? Or to have a clean slate? It’s not a clean slate for gay people. They are still gay when they come out of confession.

And what is the church teaching? That it’s okay to lie and do bad things, just as long as you go to confession and plead for forgiveness? What does that teach us? Nothing. Kids do this all the time. They take a cookie even when specifically told not to, and just apologize afterwards. Does that make it acceptable? Does that mean you are allowed to murder someone as long as you say, “I’m sorry.”

Our society seems to make it so difficult for some people to be who they are so I ask you, Which is the better “sin” lying or being gay?