The Cycle of Deception
The importance of breaking the cycle and living in truth.
Our society is brimming with a conglomeration of lies: lies of ignorance, lies of protection, lies of fabrication, lies of influence, lies of omission, and so on. We all may agree that lying is morally wrong — a sin even. But the genuine truth is that we’re all liars. (And if you believe that you have never told a lie in your lifetime, I sincerely applaud you for potentially defying a law of human nature.) You may despise the ugly woolen sweater your Aunt gave you for your birthday, but you claim that “it’s so pretty” and that you “love it” to protect her feelings and avoid being perceived as ungracious or ungrateful. You may be late to an event because you forgot to set the alarm clock and overslept again, but you claim that “there was a ton of traffic” to conceal your forgetfulness.
Some of our lies are justified and some of them are not, but regardless of the rationale for deception, a lack of honesty leads to a lack of trust — and trust is essential in any relationship.
Take a look at our own government — one that was founded on justice, insuring domestic tranquility, and promoting general welfare for its citizens. As a result of recent political scandals and whistleblowers exposing major government lies, a sense of distrust in our government has gradually developed. Many American citizens are currently having difficulty trusting a body of people that lies to us about the rationalization for a devastating war and fails to inform us of the extent of surveillance in our country. In his book, 935 Lies, Charles Lewis asserts that “Facts are — and must be — the coin of the realm in a democracy, for a government ‘of the people, by the people, and for the people’ demands an informed citizenry.” Ever since George Orwell wrote 1984, the fear of excessive government monitoring and manipulation severely limiting our ability to access the truth has been implanted into our minds. Almost sixty-six years later, some are so distrustful of our government that they believe we truly are headed toward a society where a ubiquitous Big Brother ceaselessly watches over us, analyzing our every move and controlling the information we are exposed to. Falsifications of the truth are becoming so rampant that it is often difficult to differentiate between the truth and lies; reality and falsehood. How can a country run effectively if its own people distrust its leaders?
Similar to how we Americans have been fooled time and time again, children are continually told fabrications of the truth ranging from “storks deliver babies to new parents” to “I promise that the needle — which is about to be relentlessly stabbed into your arm — won’t hurt a bit”. Often, these lies are told in an attempt to protect the young and innocent. But if children are constantly exposed to lies, even white lies, they begin to copy their parents and lying becomes second nature. According to Po Bronson in his piece, “Learning to Lie”, “Encouraged to tell so many white lies and hearing so many others, children get comfortable with being disingenuous. Insincerity becomes a daily occurrence.” The more children witness or are encouraged to lie — intentionally or unintentionally — the more they become desensitized to lying and the more they become comfortable deceiving others.
Lying commences when a child is very young — even as young as two or three years old. The moment when a child lies to his or her parents for the first time is a critical moment in his or her life: The extent to which an individual will lie is often influenced by one’s upbringing and environment and the morals instilled in him or her since he or she was a child. Dr. Bella DePaulo, a social scientist with great expertise in deception, explains that for many of those she tested in one study, “…[a] momentous lie early in life established a pattern that affected them thereafter.” Thus, once a child begins to tell lies, he or she could either continue along a path of deception, or be guided into a life of integrity, sincerity, and truthfulness.
Dr. DePaulo also explains that a parent’s reaction to a child’s lies could considerably impact the child’s lying in the future. If parents “entrap their kids, putting them in positions to lie and testing their honesty unnecessarily,” they may be inciting a path of dishonesty for their children. Instead, if they truly desire for their children to be honest, parents should indicate how much they value honesty, consistently encourage their children to tell the truth, and commend their children for their sincerity.
Just as the dishonesty of our government has resulted in a major feeling of distrust among the people of our nation, the dishonesty of a parent often results in a sense of distrust among children. Certainly, there are instances in which lying is necessary, like when a surprise party is being thrown or when a concept would undoubtedly terrify a young child who is too young to grasp it. Even a government may sometimes have justification for lying or delaying the truth. These infrequent, defensible instances are not the problem. The problem arises when children or citizens of a country are surrounded by incessant, dispensable lies and later come to a realization of the truth. That is when they develop a lack of trust and likely, will be reluctant to reveal their own truths.
That is when the cycle of dishonesty takes root.
When lies are commonplace, trust diminishes, and if a child never learns to trust and only learns to lie, he or she may be destined to an adulthood filled with deception (especially when placed in positions of political or social power). The moral skills that you learn and acquire as a child will follow you the rest of your life.
Parents and government officials should act as true role models and leaders, telling the truth unless a lie is absolutely necessary. Mutual honesty between a child and a parent and citizens and their government correlates with mutual trust between them, and trust is the basis of any relationship. Without trust there is fear and without trust there is defiance.
We are stuck in this cycle of dishonesty and we are stuck in this cycle of distrust.
And we must end the ubiquitous lies. And we must plant the seeds of truth.
To establish a healthy relationship with our children.
To maintain our liberties and our freedoms.
To remind ourselves why…
We must.
