Letter to my son—into their teens now
My letters to my son help me see new paths to connect with myself—many new signboards in a new language.
When you graduated from your early school, I thought of thanking the school by writing an open letter to them. The letter helped me connect with myself —it gave me new paths to see the details that I might not have noticed otherwise.
When your were five: I wrote a letter and my keywords were strength and standards.
When you were seven: I wrote a letter and my keywords were storytelling, culture, and architecture.
You are thirteen today.
We saw so much in last few years—the pandemic scare, your online classes, the medals that you won, Minecraft, taking shower together, chess and Uno cards, those thousands of stories, your mom’s amazing support, our questions, and Jaipur. The trajectory changes now.
You are into your teens.
As I often see now, you find your own paths in your own way, for your own version of our common goals. The path is beautiful, and you have a well-oiled cycle.
Explore it and be watchful for the distractions—the sign boards will make you stop or slow down for Peri Peri masala fries or these will serve as your guides. These will stuff your stomach like anything and will wrangle your mind.
Be aware, stay calm, and keep on moving while enjoying the ride.
Your choices will work a lot like the roll of a dice—a combination of your efforts, luck, and how you respond to the roll’s outcome.
1/6 There will be times…
—when you will feel tired. Or disappointed, or frustrated, or annoyed. With self, or with the unknowns. Because you did not win the race, or did not get admission to your preferred college, or something that you loved broke down. In all such and similar circumstances, always think who you are, what you are capable of, what your strengths are, and what you should be doing next. To remain in the present moment will broaden your path for the next moment—build your capacity to gather the courage in such times.
2/6 There will be times…
—when you are winning, celebrating life, riding your luck, and reaping the rewards of your hard work. It could be a school result, or a sports competition, a community activity, or anything where you excelled. In all such cases, be thankful to all who supported you, stay humble to those who could not win or compete, and offer your support to them. The job of the victorious is to build the path so that more people could compete and win—a win is a win when it is collective.
3/6 There will be times…
—when you will be confused, uncertain, and, or even insecure. It could be a career choice, a personal life decision, pursuing an interest, or anything. In all such cases, remember that your best friends could be your best friends in those situations. Your family is certainly there but use your judgment to ask the right questions at the right time from the right person. You will always feel good that you asked.
4/6 There will be times…
—when you will be just wasting your time—playing games, or walking long hours, or on unplanned and unstructured traveling. (Doing nothing is not necessarily a waste of time.) Your motivation sources could be different, and you will find the incentives and see the joy in a different lens. In all such cases, be mindful of your time and your gains from all such experiences. The only and best solution is to speak to someone you trust—build your judgment to reach out to someone when you need help. This could be your most important skill in life.
5/6 There will be times…
—when you will reach out to someone to seek help but they cannot. Either they are not available, or they are incapable of helping you. It could be your teacher, your best friend, your dad, or your neighbor. In all such cases, identify if you can do anything and if you cannot, then calm down. Think if panicking will help you, and most often, it does not. For example when stuck in a traffic jam while going for an exam. Change is the only constant—this too shall pass away.
6/6 There will be times…
—when you will be embarrassed or nervous or looked upon down by someone. It could be because you got drenched during your best friend’s party, your shoe come off in a race, or you are caught napping in a training class. In all such cases, embrace the moment and stay quiet. Calmness helps our mind process the thoughts and it builds confidence to deal with the situation. If they are right, they are right. If they laugh, let them laugh—this shows their standards. To respond with dignity shows your standards.
Since this is six, roll it again.
—If it is again six, you might think that hard work is not paying you immediately. Well, when you do cycling or when you are on the pull-up bar, you do not gain the strength or height immediately. The rewards are in the process and in the persistence. So if you see that you worked hard for a race or an exam or an interview, let that sink in—the reward comes back to you. Just like kindness. There are many such real-life stories in the world.
—If it is again six, you might notice that someone else who did not work hard enough had leapfrogged you and outscored you or outgrown you. This is a direct inference from my earlier point—something else might have worked for their efforts in the past. For example their mind could be less distracted because of no-TV or no-Internet policy at their home, or their diet and exercise schedule could be better than yours, or someone else in their family could have worked harder to help them achieve that. We cannot compete with others, we can learn from them but we should compete with ourselves only.
—If it is again six, you should remember that there are no shortcuts to success. Well, there are no shortcuts for the long game. You might see a quick cut to save ten minutes or one thousand rupees but be sure what you could miss out on the way. The shortest path is in the algorithms but the road to design such an algorithm is often a long one.
PS: Some of your friends will behave like ChatGPT — free, and will always have answers to your questions. A few others will be like a search engine. And a few others will offer to serve their AI—artificial intelligence. I am not anti-ChatGPT but it should not be there at the expense of your own judgment and intelligence. Build your capacity first to validate what ChatGPT says.
Dear Naman, we all see your road ahead but we use a different lens to see it. Our goals and the expectations are not dissimilar. Our opinions could be different but our intention is same—your safety, and your success.
You may not know that you are mentioned somewhere and you will be mentioned so often without your permission. Here is an example when Teodora Petkova interviewed me and you were there in their series of dialogues, in 2018. Do not sweat over it because you cannot control it because the world’s intelligence will be even more fake and artificial (courtesy AI) by the time you will grow up.
To your fourteenth gear.
You have got the gears on now.
Happy Birthday, son. (Do not forget that you share your birth date with the most respected modern day cricket player in the world—Kane Williamson of New Zealand.)
My wishlist for you
- Learn to write well. Even your success of using the futuristic technologies will depend a lot on how well you can write or design the prompts for the screens.
- Your personality shows in your energy. Be super active in your movements too when you jump out of car, or pool, or bed. An active body (by default, as a habit) is such an asset for growing kids.
- You are what you speak, watch your words in every situation.
- And this 👇🏼
If you have more time, here are a few highlights of the journey so far.
Designing a city—with your toys and games at home
A presentation on City in 2023 (video link)
Whether you design a bridge, a chip, a car, a surgery, a judgment, a war, water, wool, or a farm, my message applies to everything that you will do when you are an adult.
More power to you. Cheers!!
