Live Like Ladidi
I don’t remember when I first met her. I think it was nearly 10 years ago. I’m almost certain I knew of her before I knew her. Her presence — her voice — went before her, inspiring awe. The kind of talent that moved just by existing. She could bring down a house or lift up hundreds of spirits.
Her speech was inviting, gentle, sensual.
She was sensual, carrying her full self with a grace and a poise that said “Hiii world, this is ME! I’m gonna try my very best to love me, and hope you do too.”
That’s not to say she didn’t have insecurities.
And heartbreak.
But she spoke of faith in a way that gave the faithless hope.
There’s a dream in the future
There’s a struggle that we have yet to win
And there’s pride in my heart
’Cause I know where I’m going, yes I do
And I know where I’ve been, yeah
And that laugh. The joy of a child, with the sass of a woman. Unapologetic.
She always had a song in her heart.
And at 26 she died.
There’s a dream, yeah, in the future
There’s a struggle that we have yet to win
Use that pride in our hearts to lift us up to tomorrow
’Cause just to sit still would be a sin
The loss of someone so young, and so full of electric potential is hard to digest. We want to know facts — how, when, what??? — as if that will somehow help us process.
I look over at where she used to sit,
I imagine her walking across a stage.
I remember her giggle.
April 28th, 2016
I can’t count how many times I’ve wondered if I truly don’t want Broadway/Professional Performance as much as others who choose the starving artist route. I think back on the multitude of times I prioritized (willingly and sometimes unwillingly) other things over vocal lessons, dance classes, acting classes, auditions, shows and I can admit that the choices I made such as working to ensure my financial stability first has affected my feelings of legitimacy as an artist. Now that I’m in NYC though, I can’t help but feel that this is clearly another inspirational sign. So I’m about to seriously kick my ass back into gear and make some moves on these dreams…I have so many of them and time is moving on by too quickly, y’all!
There is no comfort to be found in her untimely death.
But perhaps there is a source of deep, profound inspiration.
Because as someone pointed out the day we learned of her ascension,
If — one year ago — you had told her she had one year left on this earth,
She
Very likely
Would have done exactly what she did.
There’s a road we must travel
There’s a promise we must make
Oh, but the riches, the riches will be plenty
Worth the risks and the chances that we take
And now I can’t help but ask myself, as I trudge through this fog of disbelief,
If I had just one year —
— one month, seven days, six years, just today —
What would I do?
And you?
How would we treat each other, who would we call? Where would we go and what would we prioritize?
How would we live differently?
I hear her voice,
And know that the Heavenly choir
Now has one hell of a soloist.
