The Rosewood
What fraud feels like
Fraud feels like spending $51.78 on two glasses of wine on a Thursday night.
Fraud feels like perching on a tall stool, my discount flats sliding off my sweaty heels.
“Everything you’ll ever lose is a fraction of what’s happening.”
Fraud feels like eavesdropping on men with un-ironically popped collars pounding their chests under heated lamps.
“I feel like our firm is at a transition both strategically and generationally and I want to be there for that.”
“We all have people who are super greedy above us.”
“He’s gotta hit the road.”
“A goodbye glass of wine.”
“I know your numbers.”
“He carries the cross, like better than anybody. He’s crazy.”
Then, fraud felt like buying us both dinner at that coastal inn with the private cabins.
For anyone who hasn’t had an illicit affair: it’s fun. Or rather, mine was fun. If, like me, you get a rush from convincing an audience of your performance, an affair is fun. If you like pretending to be someone you’re not, an affair can be fun. If you’re desperate to feel excited, an affair can be fun.
Money. Is power.
Everything is sex. Except sex, which is power.
So is money sex? Yes?
Money is power.
When you don’t have money, money is seductive.
I guess money is seductive even when you do have power?
People with money are seduced by…conventional attraction?
What is attractive to someone who has everything?
People who have everything…what do they want? Desire? Do we all just want to feel and experience desire?
Jesus christ I am typing like a lunatic.
No body notices me.
I am an invisible person.
Unattractive is invisible until the unattractive person finds another way to access power.
Other ways to access power:
- Money
- Humor
What is powerful:
- Conventional attraction
- Self-confidence?????
What is going on for me right now:
- I am waiting/hoping for something to happen
- I am wanting someone to notice me
- I am waiting for a story
- I am wanting a story
“We bought this apartment in New York, just to have, like, more access there.”
“Our kids LOVE the skiing there.” (Re: Aspen)
“It’s a dump. First of all, they sent me an email, ‘Our breakfast is closed and the bar closes at five.’ But I love Squaw.”
“You know, when I do wine tastings, Syrahs are always the hardest to nail.”
Why? Do I do this? I cannot feel my fingers. I cannot feeeeeeeeel my fingers. Thats a lie. I can feel them. But I am cold. I am cold.
What’s my deal? What issssss my deal?
Are we all not trying desperately to just fit in?
What is a fraud? Who is a fraud? When is a fraud? Where is a fraud?
“Here’s a plate full of data.”
“He’s a consensus guy.”
“I had some of the most fun at CES with him.”
The man who talks a big game with his colleague and then speaks Spanish to the staff when he’s alone.
Actually also when he’s not alone.
Who speaks Spanish to the staff.
Oh god and the white guy who’s practicing his rudimentary Spanish.
I’m fucking COLD. This is stupid.
“It blew the doors off the high school. We got expelled. It was a good experience.”
“This was a boy’s school in Dallas.”
“Do miss Dallas at all?”
“You know, I don’t think it’s in the cards to go back.”
Whyyyyyyyy am I still here
Just constantly holding out for a story
Constantly holding out for a story
“When you think of the hierarchy of Texas…”
I’m quite good at pretending I’m not as cold as I am. Holy shit I am so cold.
“My experience would be yes.”
I wonder if people know I’m eavesdropping on them.
“They didn’t give you a bus or anything.”
“I think it’s hard to leave the Bay Area to go to LA.”
“The shiny teeth guy.”
“You like this wine I can tell.”
“I could have easily gone to the city.”
“What about deep-sea fishing in Cabo? What about heli fishing in Canada?”
