Not so long ago I was driving home, late evening hours, and I was really tried after a busy day. Suddenly I felt I needed an icecream — it’s one of those moments when you say to yourself:

“Maybe I shouldn’t eat this icecream when it’s so late, but to hell with that, if I somehow know it will make me feel better. Besides I deserve it after such a long day, and it’s just this time.”

I went to a nearby grocery to quickly grab my MAGNUM Classic but it’s exactly in moments like this when you suddenly find out that none of the check outs is open and shop staff is missing.

I lined in a queue with 5 or 6 people ahead of me and we all wait for what seems eternity to us.

I look at other customers trying to figure out whether I’m the only one with just one item to buy, but it’s late hours so everybody is buying that one or two (maybe three) items. Everybody is just as tried as me. There is no other way but to wait out or just leave right now.

My whim for an icecream is starting to fade but I decide to hold on just a little bit more. Maybe it’s a matter of few more minutes.

And indeed, few moments after that there is one check out already open and it gets even better, because another lady is inviting customers to use another check out. I’m proceeding to this newly opened check out, now being second in the queue. I noticed that the person ahead of me isn’t ready and is still waiting for her friend to bring her articles yet this isn’t happening.

I don’t want my whim for this icecream to completely fade (and I now feel invested — I’ve spent some of my time and energy waiting) so I’m proceeding with my purchase and I don’t find it necesary to ask anyone’s permission. After all I’m ready and the lady ahead of me isn’t.

Seconds later the lady was angry with me and made an obvious face expression to demonstrate it. Then she turned to me and with an obvious tone of voice said: “At least you could ask me.”

I realized I’d made a mistake and had to admit that it was a point well taken. In a neutral tone of voice I told her she was right and apologized to her but from her face expression I could tell that it wasn’t enough to make up for my misbehavior. Next I left the shop thinking about this situation.

A few days later I was doing shopping in a bigger shop (with more than one check out open) and this time I had several items to buy. I was already stading in one of the queues when yet another check out was opened. Me and several other customers proceeded to this newly opened check out with me being closest to it. This meant pole position.

At this point I stopped, turned to a man who stood before me in the previous line and said: “Please, go ahead because you were before me in the previous line.” There is no such “law” which tells you to abide the same order when you switch from one line to another. But you can be nice and offer it to those who were before you.

The man said that he doesn’t mind if I go first.

In the first story I had just one item and the lady who was first in the line wasn’t ready to make a purchase (but nevertheless she felt offended), and in the latter story I had several items, I offered the man that he go first (he eagerly offered that I keep my first place).

After dealing with various people in various settings I find consultation to be one of the most powerful tools in achieving goals. And to the contrary — the lack of it to be one of the main reasons for people taking offence or even for their outrage.

If counsulted properly they feel greater urge to let us have it our way — they suddenly become so “powerful” as to allow us things. That’s compelling.

Besides, if you consult (ask) them you may capitalize on people’s tendency to say YES. NO is very often considered a negative (even bad) word, a word that would antagonize people, so they prefer to use YES instead as a response to your question — even if doing so means that they put your interest or need first.