What do feminism & patriarchy mean? Let’s talk definitions.

Feminism is constantly misunderstood. I reject the idea of any “wave” of feminism because feminism has always meant the same thing at its core. Feminism has always been, quite simply, the necessary pathway toward gender equality. It is about liberating everyone from gendered stereotypes, discrimination, oppression, and abuse, AKA liberating us all from patriarchy.

Patriarchy is a system of social conditioning regarding our beliefs & ideas about strict, rigid, hierarchical gender roles, norms, and expectations that are reinforced through stereotypes, social pressure, shaming, ostracizing, bullying, and abuse. Gendered ideas of hierarchy and domination/subjugation are a severe problem.

Feminism simply means a desire and goal to have the following occur:

All people’s individual bodily autonomy and full control/ownership over our own bodies is respected by everyone else

Whether or not we consent to acts involving our own bodies is respected by everyone

There is an end to all strict, rigid gender roles, norms, & expectations, and an end to the pressure to conform to these.

There is a recognition of individuality of all people, regardless of gender, and promoting personal choice in this regard

There is an end to shaming, judging, degrading, or disrespecting people for their personal choices about their bodies, their personal style, their physical appearances, and their own lives

Everyone accepts one another as they are and for the choices they make about their own bodies and their own lives, regardless of ideas of gender roles and expectations

All people’s personal choices in terms of our own bodies and lives, such as our personal style, self-expression, expression of emotions, activities, hobbies, education, career, romantic relationships, marriage, consensual sex, etc. are fully respected by everyone.

Feminism means speaking out against the harmful patriarchal views that cause people to demean, degrade, and subjugate girls & women and also any boy or man who is considered “too feminine” and “not manly, macho, strong, or tough enough”.

When people attempt to limit our choices regarding our bodies, when they think we shouldn’t have bodily autonomy, and when they attempt to shame and judge us for our personal choices, feminism is simply making it clear that this is not acceptable.

Feminism is standing up for ourselves and everyone else so that we all have full self-determination without getting shamed, degraded, or belittled for it.

It’s all about promoting that neither our biological sex nor our gender identity should ever determine what our style, appearance, personalities, strengths, abilities, talents, skills, hobbies, interests, likes, dislikes, emotional expressions, etc. should be.

Feminism is about fighting against societal pressure, shaming, and judgment regarding how a person expresses themselves.

Feminism is about the fact that each of us has individual bodily autonomy. We are each in control of our own bodies. We get to choose what we do with our own bodies and what is done to our bodies.

No one ever gets to touch us sexually without our clear, enthusiastic consent. And if we do consent to sexual activity with a consenting partner, no one ever should judge or shame us. Each person’s choices about what to do with their own bodies are their own, and all choices should be fully respected.

Patriarchy does not mean that men are evil or bad. Patriarchy is a cultural belief system that we are all conditioned and socialized into in this society, from the very start of our lives. We each reinforce and perpetuate patriarchy every day through our words, actions, and unconscious & nonverbal cues.

Feminism is about being opposed to patriarchy, so let’s elaborate further on what patriarchy means. Below are specific examples of patriarchal, gendered roles, norms, expectations, and stereotypes we tend to believe and reinforce in society:

Male/masculine is seen as:

-stronger

-tougher

-more independent

-braver

-more courageous

-more controlling

-more heroic

-more of a leader

-more of a protector

-more athletic

-more trustworthy

-more stable; less “crazy”, “erratic”, “hysterical”, and “emotional”

-having valid, intelligent opinions

-more expected to be aggressive and even violent

-more expected to become angry

-more of a provider

-less of a nurturer

-less empathetic, compassionate, or sensitive

-not expressing feelings of sadness or inner thoughts about emotions

-expected, encouraged, and entitled to be sexual and “get laid”, without concern for partners’ feelings

-not expected to communicate effectively or to engage in in-depth, close, thoughtful, connecting conversations

-stereotype of “swinging bachelor” or “stud” if a man is single

-expectation of wanting to have sex with girls/women and reducing them to sexual objects for male pleasure.

-opinions carry more weight and are taken more seriously, with more validity (not as likely to be dismissed as “crazy”, “hysterical”, “bitchy”,“on the rag”, “overly sensitive”, or having ulterior motives)

…Whereas female/feminine is seen as:

-weaker

-more delicate

-more fragile

-more vulnerable

-more dependent

-in need of being controlled or owned as property

-in need of being “taken care of”

-“slutty”/“impure”/“whore” if seen as sexual and embracing her sexuality

• dismissed as “crazy”, “hysterical”, “bitchy”,“on the rag”, “overly sensitive”, or having ulterior motives for expressing an unpopular opinion
• -expected to be “ladylike”, polite, and a people-pleaser
• -expected to conform to society’s beauty standards that are pleasing to men/boys
• -ugly and fat if men/boys don’t or wouldn’t find her physically attractive or want to have sex with her
• -“old maid”, “crazy cat lady”, “spinster”, etc if a woman is single and is OK with it
• -expected to care a lot about doing what men/boys want you to do regarding what you say, how you act, and how you look

Everyone should be empowered, liberated, and free to be who they naturally are, expressing themselves freely without being shamed or punished, and having their bodily autonomy respected.

Patriarchy is something we’ve been chipping away at. Things have greatly improved in many ways, but we still have so much work to do in the fight for true gender equality. We must chip away at these patriarchal, strict, rigid, gender roles, stereotypes, norms, and expectations that cause so much harm.