How To Get Your Ex-back
A Sincere Guide to Winning Back Your Heart-Love
Breaking up is truly brutal, isn’t it? One minute you’re gazing lovingly into your partner’s eyes, making plans for your future together. The next, he or she has moved on to someone new, while you’re left picking up the pieces of your shattered dreams (and self-esteem).
Well, take heart! However, you can still get that ex you affectionately love step-by-step. Watch >>>this video<<< to learn how many ladies got their lost love in no time.
To men; Let’s be honest here: if your romantic relationship went down in flames, deep down, you know it was almost certainly your fault. Maybe you got complacent and stopped putting in effort; maybe you were overly jealous and controlling; maybe you’re just way too overbearing, and she simply couldn’t breathe with you hovering over her 24/7.
Whatever the core reason, it all boils down to this: you screwed the pooch, and now you’re paying the price—pinning away for the person who finally wised up and ditched your stunted behind. They escaped the toxic cage of your dysfunction and you’re heartbroken, realizing no one else will coddle and enable your nonsense.
But listen, I get it. Breaking up is absolutely brutal for the dumpee, even (and maybe especially) when we totally presume it coming but there’s a secret formula to winning her back permanently.
>>>>Watch this video to learn how.
So naturally, amid the anguish and endless pints of self-loathing ice cream, desperation sets in. There's a manic urge to stop at nothing until you claw your way back into that comfy, codependent bond, regardless of whether it’s healthy or sane.
Well, my reckless and emotionally unstable friends, you’ve come to the right place. If personal growth, self-awareness and just basic human decency aren’t deterrents for you, then strap in! It’s time to go full machevellan and get that ex back in your self-sabotaging clutches once and for all. watch this video to learn the tips and tricks<<<<
The Thirst Trap Offensive
Listen, if simply being your natural, genuine self was enough to keep your ex’s heart all aflutter, then you never would’ve screwed the pooch in the first place. No, to stand any chance at reigniting those old amorous flames, you’ll need to wage all-out psychological warfare by transforming into an entirely new, nigh-unrecognizable version of yourself.
We’re talking a complete physical and personal metamorphosis so extreme and glamorously fetching that it literally haunts their dreams and waking life. Get yourself a Regina George-level glow-up, perhaps dabbling in a few minor cosmetic enhancements just to really sell the staggering new look.
And you’ll need to flaunt this newly irresistible persona at every conceivable opportunity. We’re talking a ceaseless barrage of thirst trap selfies and glamour shots flooding every social feed until your ex experiences PTSD-level trauma from chronically double-tapping your vain deluge of vanity.
The end goal is to snare them in an inescapable hell of FOMO, where their souls are perpetually withered by the fear of missing out on your new exquisite form. Either they’ll eventually crack and come crawling back for one final shot at basking in your splendid glow, or you’ll get slapped with a restraining order. Honestly, it could go either way at this point.
Love-Bombing: The Nuclear Option
For those unfazed by petty instagram tactics and unsatisfied until they leave a smoldering trail of psychological wreckage comes the most nuclear of all romantic warfare options: the dreaded love-bombing offensive.
You know the deal — it’s an extreme blitzkrieg of over-the-top texts, gifts, pleas for reunification and any other shameless, grandiose overtures of contrived devotion. Essentially, you’ll spend every waking moment positioning yourself as the ideal soulmate through an exhaustingly unrelenting avalanche of romantic overindulgence aimed at grinding them down.
“It’s about creating a persona of a hyper-devoted, doting partner — even if it means fabricating a cartoonishly saccharine facade,” notes acclaimed dating coach Daren Marvonix. “Shower them with praise, surprises, cheesy love poems, off-key serenading below their office window... make every aspect of their daily lives an inescapable intrusion until their spirit is broken.”
Sure, sane people may deem love-bombing more akin to psychotic stalking and emotional torture. But screw sanity —you're already pathologically obsessed and beyond all reason at this point. They might as well double down and start lighting votive candles arranged in a heart across their lawn!
Some Final Uplifting Words
To be perfectly clear, none of these unhinged ploys even remotely approach anything a rational, emotionally stable person would attempt. All you’re really doing by following this horrendous advice is ensuring you’ll alienate all friends, incinerate any remaining self-respect, and potentially catch criminal charges.
But hey, you clearly didn’t click on an article called “Getting Your Sad Sack of an Ex Back” for reasoned perspective! You want to burn that bridge in a deranged blaze, which is exactly what you’re getting here.
So by all means, keep it up until you’ve nuked any possibility of healthy romance from orbit. And if that fails, fear not — this bottomless pit of bitterness and dysfunction is sure to land you right back in the dating pool soon enough. You’ll almost certainly terrify any sane romantic prospect within the first 15 disastrous minutes.
Hey, at least you’re upholding a noble tradition of relationship ineptitude! Small victories, people.
Disclaimer
This article contains affiliate link that earns me little commission when you make purchase at no additional cost to you
