I Don’t Want to Know (Please)
I wish for your answer but I fear it
Oh, how you make me smile.
The joy you bring.
The butterflies that suffocate me.
Such happiness.
It sickens me.
You agree with my sentiments of joy,
But misery fills me.
“I love you”.
A sentence that would bring happiness for most,
But brings me a questioning pain.
“I love you”
“I miss you”
Words from a lover’s lips
Or from a friend’s mouth?
Your words.
Do their meanings mean the same as mine?
Does the feeling look like mine?
Does your heart race like mine?
Or am I just a friend to you?
All these questions fill me with grief, misery, torment.
I must know how you feel,
What I am to you,
To cease this undying torment.
Though, in all my grief,
I do not want to know.
I fear the answer.
What if my suspicions are right?
What if we are speaking two different languages?
In knowing,
The heartbreak is in front of my eyes.
I must deal with its reality.
In not knowing,
I’m suspended between two worlds;
One where we speak with such fluency,
Others are envious.
Another where I cannot understand a single word you say.
Left unknowing the sweet sentences you speak.
So please,
Do not tell me.
I don’t want to know.
For now,
My fantasy is better
Than the reality.
