I love my Mother.
I am perplexed by the abundant love she has for us — But at times she needs us — maybe just a nudge.
That night at around 2 she was shivering, all cold and sweaty, profusely crying. Suddenly hugging my brother who in his deep sleep shrugged her over. I could make this out by her movement in the dark and her silent sulks.
I silently pleaded for her to come out. In brightness, I could see the face flushed with tears, some new and some dry and old. The eyes had those big dark circles underneath.
I held her hand and asked her “Mamma why did you not wake us?”
In all seriousness, she replied “I did not want to trouble Guni and you, moreover Papa went to bed very late” maintaining the hushed tone.
This ordeal goes back to the start of the pandemic which caged every person inside their very home. We already knew — my mother to be a very sensitive woman, one faint at heart, so it had just been months into the pandemic she started facing anxiety wherein she would cry all day or be sad at times. On asking what's wrong, she would silently say “I am not feeling okay, it will pass”.
Days passed into months and our caressing into irritation, we started avoiding her or behaved indifferently. She would surely retaliate but after some time tell us to stop wasting time on this and get going to our respective works.
One day during such a diatribe I asked “Why don't you go and see a doctor?”
She rebuked me “Don't you dare say that, what if I contract COVID?”
I at having my patience tested lashed out “Doctor will treat you for that”
She held onto the chair and said “It's not about the treatment, who is going to look after you people?” In those trying days people in India who had COVID were admitted for days to a hospital — forcefully pulled out of their homes in those daunting ambulances.
Hearing this I silently went inside my room awestruck.
“How can someone be so altruistic, even in pain thinking about people who had started ignoring her or rather felt irritated by her continuous sobbing.”
“How can someone adhere to such selfless love that despite having spent several sleepless nights was doing all chores of the house without a bit of hesitation or exhaust.”
She was suffering — left alone in her very house by her very people — she had loved and given all. This was the real torment, not the pandemic outside.
In India the pandemic despite breaking havoc also made us identify what real monsters we have been when all house helps were gone and everyone was equally caged inside, we shifted the burden of work, pain, of chores to our Mothers and we instead loused on our couches waiting for the pandemic to be over.
I tip-toed, went and hugged her from behind.
“Mamma, you are the strongest person I have ever met. Don’t worry! I will always be there for you — as you love me so will I”
We both sat on the kitchen floor and started crying. Neither of us knew why the other was crying.
A few moments passed and she gets up “You have already wasted a lot of time, it's getting late for lunch”
Two things changed: she was faintly smiling, and at long last, she was not alone.
I am not the best child a parent would want but I can proudly vouch for the fact that I have the best Mother in this world. I am head over heels in LOVE with her and have been falling countless times each day, every hour and every second.
Loved the piece you shared with the community on your Mom’s The Sober Vegan Yogi Brooke Krzyston and Marilyn Glover.
