Living as a Bisexual in a Heteronormative World
Self-Acceptance in a Chameleon-Type Culture
Accepting your sexuality can be challenging. You anticipate the worst scenario happening: family and friends disowning you for who you love. What’s more, prepare for people to double-take you in the street as they whisper to their confidante. Are they a couple?
You may think, “Those who love you would never ostracize you for your sexual orientation.” Though I agree that love should be unconditional in an ideal world, it certainly is not experienced that way. Many LGB individuals are seen as “broken” or “in need of fixing” by their parents. “It’s just a phase,” they say.
A privilege exists for bisexuals that are not present for gay men and lesbian women. You can hide behind your heterosexuality when it poses a convenience for you. I’ve hidden behind my heterosexuality for years out of fear of judgment for my bisexual part. For years I asked myself, “What’s wrong with me?”
I came from a household in which homophobic speech was normalized. As a consequence, I lived with internalized homophobia for a number of years until I discovered my sexuality.
I felt uncomfortable when anything to do with “gay” was mentioned and awkwardly laughed when women tried to hold my hand or rest their heads on my shoulder in the act of friendship.
Then I went to university, and my whole world was rung inside out. Beautiful men and women surrounded me, and I felt intrigued by both equally. Sometimes 70/30. Bisexuals will understand.
Yet, I experienced great difficulty in coming to terms with the fact that I liked women. I always did, too. In my few public encounters with women in university, I tried to maintain the overt appearance of a friendship rather than a romantic fling or relationship to protect the part of me that was fearful.
Whether it be the way my sexuality is expressed through fashion or my sexual orientation, I conflate exposure with being vulnerable to attack. It can most certainly feel that way, particularly when you deviate from the norm. Maybe if I just blend in with everybody else, nobody will notice me. Therefore, my scary truth will remain blanketed and I’ll be safe.
Moving toward self-embodiment requires a consistent approach. As we grew out of our formative years, walls were built to shield us from danger in our environment. However, those walls are no longer useful; in fact, they create substantial damage to the psyche.
This is the last thread of self-acceptance I need to become fully embodied within myself. To enter a room and own all of who I intrinsically am.
To be unapologetically me.
If I can do it, you can too ❀
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