Love Does Exist
I reflect on things I wrote about love ten years ago.
The best thing about writing a blog in my twenties is that I can look back and see what my opinions were. I shouted (with confidence) ideas that lacked any real-world experience or depth.
In November 2012, I wrote a blog post titled "Love." This is from the brain of a closeted, overweight junior in college who lost his mom three years prior.
I was single, sad, and depressed, but I still thought I knew everything.
I want to look back on that post as a 32-year-old man with a much healthier ability to deal with things.
I will try not to be too hard on myself. My blog posts were private journal entries that I decided to publish online. I was barely formed and still growing.
Love! Love? Love…I might cause a little bit of controversy here. I don’t think true love exist. People find it shocking when I tell them. I believe you can care very deeply for someone, but I don’t know if love is real. I definitely don’t believe in cosmic, out of this world, destined love. How can you be destined to be with one person, when there are seven billion people on the planet? — Ferrellblogs, 2012
Thoughts of love have been around since the dawn of man. Love is one of the most discussed topics of all time. Everyone has opinions about it.
No "controversial" opinion is off-limits. Google "love doesn't exist" and read countless articles about how science and biology trick our brains. Dopamine and oxytocin receptors are clever swindlers that make us buy Valentine's Day cards.
Is love an emotion? A concept? A theory? What is cosmic, out-of-this-world, destined love?
Movies would have you think true love is hearing Tom Hanks's voice on a call-in radio show. It's seeing Julia Roberts mega-watt smile trying on clothes in a dressing room. It's Leonardo Dicaprio standing at the top of a grand staircase, waiting to take your hand. It's a willingness to throw it all away for someone or even die for them. It's romantic.
That's movie love.
An older person understands that love often isn't fast and easy. Love is hard. An older person understands that love isn't about being "destined" to one person. Love isn't about a single person at all.
It's not cosmic. It's personal.
I thought I was in love once, I really did. I mean I told myself I was in love, because I thought this is what love is supposed to feel like. I cared about her. I wanted to be around her. I never wanted to hurt her. The problem was, I never had any intention of spending the rest of my life with her. I never wanted forever. She did and I was content with breaking her heart. That wasn’t love, it can’t be that easy to leave someone you “love.” — Ferrellblogs, 2012
It's never easy to leave someone you love.
Sometimes, the desire to be in love is so strong that we convince ourselves we have feelings that aren't there. Familial and societal expectations can do wonders to a young person's brain.
It can be hard to differentiate between friendship and romantic feelings, especially when young.
No one ever starts a relationship to hurt someone. There are plenty of reasons to get into a relationship, but sometimes we do things for selfish reasons.
The desire to be "normal" is vital. The need to feel accepted by friends and family is undeniable. Love is something that can be experienced outside of the silver screen.
Young love can be strong and passionate. It can be powerful and feels like the most crucial thing in the world. It feels inconquerable. Until it doesn't.
Most people aren't thinking about forever in their 20's. How could anyone be thinking about forever at 18?
I did love that girl, just not like most boys love girls. I couldn't spend the rest of my life with her because we wouldn't have been happy. I never was content with breaking hearts. I was protecting my own.
People love their parents and people love their children. I love my family. That’s different. They are apart of you and you can never be connected to anyone the way you are connected to them.You are apart of them and they are apart of you. It’s supposed to be unconditional, but it isn’t really. You could say it is, but that’s not right. There is always a breaking point, always. — Ferrellblogs, 2012
Why does family have to be someone related to you? Why couldn't I be connected to anyone the way I'm connected to my family? Your family only experiences a fraction of the life you live.
Love isn't some finite resource that you can only give to a cherished few. Love is endless.
So many important people come in and out of our lives. Strangers become best friends and lovers in the blink of an eye. Some connections are instant, and some build slowly over time. Those intricate little connections are love.
Love is only conditional in the sense that people will take advantage of it. Manipulators and narcissists will never miss an opportunity to abuse a good heart. Some will recognize your love and only pretend to reciprocate it. A loving heart needs protecting.
The breaking point isn't when you "stop" loving someone. The breaking point is realizing you have to walk away from a person you do love. It's your brain protecting your reluctant heart.
I just want the best for people, I just want them to be happy. Does that mean I love them? Everyone? I don’t think so. Love is supposed to be something you earn, you “fall” into. That’s why I don’t believe in love, because I don’t understand it. How can you care about everyone, but only love some people? Aren’t they one-in-the-same? If I ever fall in love I guess I’ll know. I guess I’ll have some cosmic revelation/epiphany and I’ll think “WOW! THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS!!!” I don’t think that will happen. I’ll just live life without love and that will be okay. — Ferrellblogs, 2012
The person who wrote this was too young to understand love. How can the person who wants people to be happy, who cares for everyone, not believe in love?
Love isn't something you "fall" into; love is something you have. Caring is love, and wishing happiness for strangers is love. Loving your family and loving strangers is all the same.
“I’ll just live life without love and that will be okay.”
I believed in love, and it was clear. I was afraid that no one would ever reciprocate that love I had in my heart. I thought I was unloveable.
I thought if I discounted love, if it didn't exist, then I would have an explanation for why nobody loves me. Nobody loves me because nobody loves anyone.
Except people did love me. People cared about me, and people checked on me. I had friends and family who wanted the best for me. I was and always have been loved.
Love is complicated and weird, so it's easy to understand why a 22-year-old didn't have a firm grasp on it. Most fully developed people don't have the mental fortitude to dig deep into their emotional baggage.
My opinion on love didn't change when I "fell" in love (that didn't happen until I was almost 30.) It changed just a few years after I wrote that initial post.
I struggled during my senior year of college, and things weren't going great. A couple of close friends went to a mentor, and we had an intervention.
I was mad at first, but the anger quickly faded. I realized that people do care; that I was a positive presence in people's lives. You could say I had a cosmic revelation/epiphany and thought, "wow, this is what love is."
