Love, the Most Egotistical Feeling
And what happened to true love
Love has always been misunderstood, believed to be a feeling far from what it really represents. Passed off under the assumed name of an emotion purely devoted to the other person, it instead wears nothing but a mask of deception and hypocrisy. We lie to others, and we lie to ourselves whenever we try to prove otherwise.
In fact, it shows the true human nature, which remains trapped in the maximum exaltation of the ego despite being the feeling that should be more dedicated to altruism and devotion towards the other person. Only when love reaches its most extreme and perverse state, we are finally able to see beyond appearances and understand what it means for us and possibly for others.
The very conception of love is confused from the very start.
If this feeling is really linked to devotion to each other, everyone would be able to achieve happiness and maximum satisfaction simply in the very act of loving another person dear to us, without caring in the least about whether we are reciprocated or not. But this doesn’t happen. What we are obviously looking for is love in return, to receive the same love that we offer.
While a reciprocal exchange of such a feeling is obvious to be desired, the first paradox obviously appears. Where does love come from? From a real feeling of devotion and affection in the beloved, or instead in a desire to receive love to gladden our soul and heart? After all, don’t we tend to fall in love more easily when we are alone and with the perception that something is missing in our life?
Expectations kill love
In this case, our feelings towards another person simply derive from our desire and hope that we can have reciprocated the same love we give. Just like with a barter, we hope that our love is precious enough to another person to receive some in return. In this way, everything is based on expectations which, the higher they are, the more they risk being betrayed and broken when they are not met.
Such expectations tend, in this way, to literally kill everything that true love should represent. The moment we set expectations, we automatically depend entirely on them. If true love is in itself a changing and dynamic feeling, rapid and evanescent like a flame, expectations force it to lock itself up in a cold metal cage, in which severe rules deform it and make it an obligation and no longer a genuine movement of souls.
If the expectation is met, we feel serene, as if everything is going according to plan, as if the part of love that the loved one owes us has been delivered to us according to the rules. When expectations are not met, for one reason or another, we feel betrayed, as if robbed in an agreement of mutual parts in which we give but do not receive. What is it, therefore, that we value with greater interest than giving love or receiving it?
Selfish love as a form of self gratification
I want to clarify that this position is in no way an exaltation to become slaves of love and blindly bind us to a person who does not have the slightest feeling of affection for us. What this reflection tends to analyse is how love is repeatedly exploited and used mainly as a gratification of the ego, with the presumption of setting rigid rules to a first principle that is too ethereal to be dominated.
True love must be differentiated in this way from the selfish and presumptuous one, which is, instead, much more widespread. The latter, in fact, does not give importance to the person but to love itself. We don’t love a person for the way they really are but for the way they make us feel. We love the connection and feeling we get when we are with them. When love ends, and the beloved has left us, what are we really missing? The feeling of companionship and togetherness we had, not the person itself. For this reason, we are often able to fall in love with another person again if they are able to make us feel the same way. Understood and loved, interesting and needed, comfortable and safe, that inseparable companion with whom we can face the whole world.
What is true love, then?
True love does not lie in loving the bond but in loving the person. True love goes way beyond that. Loving someone means having a true feeling of respect that doesn’t end with the end of the relationship. Even when we know the flame of passion has burned out and moments of thrilling happiness live only in bittersweet memories, love does not end.
True love is also knowing when we have to let them go for their own good when a relationship would stifle and limit them. For this reason, it doesn’t matter how far it is in time or space. True love is directed to the soul, and by accepting that positive and negative events are a sign of different needs and desires, we are able to understand and accept those of the other person since what we want deep down is that they can shine and blossom just like a rose bud.
“When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one’s self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.”
Oscar Wilde
