Love Without Attachment: How Radical Honesty Deepens Intimacy
A Real-Life Story of Difficult Conversations & Love Revelations
I used to think that honesty was simply not lying, or denying what I had done. Now I know honesty to be brutally beautiful, never hiding or shying away from what is really going on (in your head, and mine). - extract from simple truths
A few weeks ago, I experienced a new concept. Love without attachment.
Up until this point, this concept had been something that I was aware of but had never truly experienced. Throughout my twenties, I have healed the wounds of deep relationships. Perhaps, looking back — healing occurred when I dropped all attachment.
However, opening my heart to love, without deep expectations as a relationship grows is new to me. Usually, I expect and project certain outcomes; envisioning a perfect future that never comes. Or reject the potential for connection when my expectations are not met.
However, this story is not about expecting, projecting, or rejecting.
This is the story of love without attachment.
It begins with two stubborn lovers who were wildly misunderstood. Through radical honesty, this brief encounter transformed and received a beautiful gift — unexpected intimacy.
This is the story of a pure kind of love.
A Few Months Previously
Since May, my heart has felt closed.
At the start of the year, I had dated a long-term friend. This was the second round of our love story, and I had rose-tinted high hopes. On paper, we looked perfect together. We had the same values and shared the same vision. It was easy to imagine a smooth, linear life.
However, no matter how much I wanted it to work, and we both tried to make it work, it didn’t work out. Energetically, it was easy. We had known each other for years and since our first meeting, we felt on a similar wavelength.
However, in reality — we were so similar, and after the initial honeymoon phase was over, it began to feel stuck and stagnant. As we had previously experienced, polarity started to fade and what had once felt close and warm began to feel clunky and misaligned.
At the end of April, we said our goodbyes and went on to live our own lives.
I didn’t understand the purpose of our second round of love. I didn’t understand why we were guided back together to only again, be torn apart.
I beat myself up, was I the problem? Had I given up on love?
The Heart-Flutters of July
After focusing on myself for a few months, once again, I began to feel the flutters of love.
I had formed a close connection with someone at work, and after he left the company, we continued to hang out. There was a lot about him I liked. He was down the earth, humble, and kind; he had the energy of a lion with a super-driven mind. Again, it felt natural, it felt easy.
After a few weeks of feeling energetic waves of tension, I plucked up the courage to say something. As we were about to part ways, I shouted his name and expressed how I felt.
I shared that whilst it made no logical sense, for a variety of earthly reasons, I put my heart on a plate and offered it up to him to either discard or devour — the prowling panther in the room had been called out.
To my surprise, I was met with neither of these reactions.
I was heard, I was seen, and relieved to know that I hadn’t been making it up — he had felt the attraction too. However, there was a feeling of nonchalance in the air, something didn’t feel quite right.
After a week of weird stop-and-start messaging, we met and spoke.
Despite feeling a connection, he wasn’t looking to be involved with anyone at the time. I felt sad and relieved simultaneously, as I had also been receiving CRAZY signs from the Universe that this wasn’t the right path for me, or him. We laughed as the energy was cleared and a white feather dropped down between us as we splashed about in a freezing cold pool.
I was proud of myself for speaking up, expressing how I felt, and clearing the air. I was also gutted, frustrated, and annoyed that I had got myself into another dead-end love puddle.
I felt my heart close down and vowed to stop dating and work on myself.
Quite honestly, I had given up on a close connection. I had given up on love.
Two Weeks Later — An Unexpected Encounter
In mid-July I packed my van, drove up to Somerset, and embraced my favourite festival.
Buddafield. Three years previously, I had met someone here who I thought was the love of my life. In 2023, I had taken a year out from this festival as my heart couldn’t handle the immense amount of love-torn memories.
However, this love had healed. I was ready to face my heart, I was ready to have a fresh start — even if I bumped into my ex. I felt confident that any conversations had would be filled with love and grace, rather than blame, shame, or hate. Plus, I was working on myself, of course.
I didn’t need any more complications in love. Or so I thought…
The Universe had a different plan.
The Resonant Lovers
As usual, the Universe worked its magic and on arrival, me and my friend bumped into someone she had met last year at this very festival. We said hi, and without really thinking too much about the encounter, I carried on with my day and wandered into the festival.
That night, to my surprise, I bumped into him again in the first music tent that I walked into. How strange.
We felt immediately drawn together and deep-dived into a conversation about meditation, mindset, perfectionism, and living in ‘growth houses.’ My friend winked at me from across the room.
We chatted all evening and before I knew it, he was asking for my number, which I scribbled on a tiny piece of paper that sprung from his pocket. Old school. I liked it. We danced the night away and arranged to meet the next morning…
Resistance to Love
Throughout the festival, we ended up on a few ‘mini dates.’ One of which we were lying together in the green glaze in a hammock, that then decided to break and fall out of the tree.
I laughed as he lay on the floor, winded with me sprawled across his chest.
I could already see where we matched and where we didn’t. I felt cautious about opening up to yet another love. We left the hammock, and I danced off to find my friend, with thoughts swirling around my mind.
Part of me wanted to run away and never look back.
That night, we ended up on the dance floor again — and later on, headed back to my van. Here, I wanted to take things slow. He had very different ideas. We ended up having an awkward misunderstanding, he felt rejected. I felt triggered. He left my van, and I went to bed feeling abandoned.
I woke with anger searing through my veins.
The Path of Vulnerability
Ironically, we did not cross paths the next day.
I felt angry, I felt triggered, I felt annoyed.
Later on, that night, I decided it was time to shift this stagnant energy and sent him a text expressing how I felt.
Funnily, enough one minute after sending the text, he walked straight past my van and up towards a tree to get a phone signal.
I followed him up to the tree, feeling extremely vulnerable.
Having just opened my text, he looked up and saw me.
He invited me on a walk to talk it out, and we both listened to what each other had to say.
While the energy cleared, something still felt clunky.
He wanted to open the connection up and I still wasn’t sure whether I wanted to open it up or shut it down. My logical brain was beating itself up. It was looping around in circles, overthinking all the promises I had made to myself…
- No more dating, work on yourself.
- No sex, work on yourself.
- No love, it always fucks up.
Yet, something in me was intrigued.
I wanted to dance, I wanted to play, I wanted to open my heart.
I invited him to dinner with my and my friend, he tentatively accepted but only stayed five minutes before walking off. He was still confused; I was still confused. To open or to close? To end or to continue?
Two hours later, I was still going around in circles.
I was driving myself mad, and in the spur of the moment felt a random impulse. I called him up. Again, to my surprise, he was standing under the tree, right next to my van.
Opening Up to Intimacy
That night, we came back to love. Something had shifted and we felt ourselves open up with each other emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
I have never laughed so much in one night.
At the end of the festival, we said our goodbyes with plans to see each other again. Two weeks later, he drove six hours down to Cornwall and stayed the weekend. I had no expectations, especially as we lived so far away.
The weekend began as it had at Buddafield, laced with the excitement of the unknown. We did yoga on the beach, went surfing, and cooked dinner outdoors. I loved having someone to share the joy of these experiences with and felt my heart open piece by piece.
By the second night, another awkward conversation needed to be had. Whilst I loved his energy and enthusiasm, I had also been feeling unheard. I bottled this feeling up over the weekend, and it slid out of my mouth as we lay in bed. These sludge-tainted words took him back for a second, and I immediately felt guilty for sharing.
However, after a few moments, he was grateful to me for pointing this out. We spoke deeply about our needs, and I invited him to share anything that he had found surprising or difficult about spending time with me.
The conversation went deeper and deeper as we shared stories of our past relationships and parts of our innermost selves.
Opening Up to Love Without Attachment
The next morning, we had breakfast together and I felt slightly nervous about the chat we needed to have. What the hell was this connection? What was going on?! Funnily enough, this time he brought light to the elephant in the room.
He invited me onto the sofa to chat before he started his drive home.
He expressed where his head was at, and surprisingly, it was at the exact same point as mine. After moments of radical honesty, we felt a deepening sense of warmth and intimacy.
However, we both had other life plans. I was in the middle of writing a book and was proud of the life I had just built for myself after my last break-up. He was starting a new job in London and was also just dipping back into the world of dating. And so, we agreed — to simply stay in touch.
We left things open. We both felt something yet had to be honest about the fact that we wanted to remain open to dating and exploring connections if other opportunities came along.
And so, he left, and with relief, I felt a deepening sense of love.
To Be Continued
Today, I sit here as the story unfolds. This love story continues to evolve.
We continue to speak regularly and as we open up with surprising honesty and invite more awkward conversations into the mix, this connection continues to grow. Whether this love story is a short chapter in the book of love, another gentle reminder to keep my heart open, or an award-winning sequel, we are yet to find out.
All I know is that radical honesty deepened our intimacy.
Despite awkward conversations and contrasting opinions, facing the truth has opened my heart. I feel grateful to the Universe for orchestrating this experience, at a time when my heart felt radically closed.
This is love without attachment. And it’s the purest I’ve ever known.
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