Our Love is Intense and Comes With Passion, Trauma, Healing, and Lessons
We’re both passionate and deal with our trauma in different ways
Trigger Warning: Mention of trauma, and physical violence
My partner and I are both lovers at heart. Sure, he’s been in his share of fights in his life. I’ve never raised a fist in a fight to save my life. He fights for those who have little to no voice. He did that when he literally beat a teacher nearly to a pulp after the teacher picked on one of the slower students in one of his high school classes. The teacher didn’t see anything wrong with it and seemed to revel in his bad behavior.
Anger and trauma are something we carry with us constantly
My partner fights for the ones he loves and cares about. Even if those people are undeserving of that attention sometimes, he always goes on the side of what is right and what is just. You definitely don’t want to cross him, though. He’s got a lot of anger and trauma that he carries with him into his adult life. We both do. We’ve also both got so much love to give. We show that every day.
We’re both lovers, not fighters. Even when he’s had many reasons to get frustrated or angry with me, he still has to make sure I’m okay and that I feel safe and loved. Sure, his anger and trauma, coupled with mine, have led to some intense disagreements and even some literal fights, but at the end of the day, he has to resolve anything we may be going through and brings the day back to love and communication.
Pulling me back into the moment and overflowing with love and passion
He’s one of the few people who can get me to see something different when I’m in one of my stubborn moods and gets me to calm down and think a little bit longer on something. I’m the type of person who used to withdraw from conflict a lot. He pulls me back into the moment.
I see the pain, the love, and the passion contained within the man I love. Obviously, neither one of us is perfect, but we don’t need to be. We just need to be able to be perfect for each other. We both carry our scars and our trauma with us but we’ve done so much to move past it in our lives as we’ve overcome so much together. He cares so much that sometimes his passion overflows out of him.
Passion is also the fuel for our arguments too
Passion is a keyword in our relationship. Believe me when I tell you that when we fight, it’s almost always something I’ve done that brings back much of the trauma of his past. These are triggers that I’m aware of but don’t realize that I’m pushing until it’s too late or pushed too far. I’m not saying that he’s a victim, that I’m a victim, or that there’s abuse going on here. We’re both aware that our triggers are what make us both very passionate people.
Most of the time when his growls are directed so loudly at me, they’re to prevent me from hurting either one of us or because I’m either unintentionally hurting him or he’s become frustrated at some bad habits that I know that I have that I just can’t let go of.
Bad habits and different interpersonal approaches
These habits are something I’ve needed to become more aware of over the months as we both think that they could be some of the things that have led to us getting COVID twice, the real circumstances as to why the sociopath kicked us out of the motel, and why we had difficulties at the truck lot when we were parked there, as well.
Let’s just say that even though I’ve had my reasons, many of them, not to trust others, I’ve still given too much of myself to people to the point where it gives them some sort of ammunition to use against us. I’m not much of a boundary-setting person, even though I should be. My partner just doesn’t fuss with others if he doesn’t need to. We’re both introverts to different extents. I just put up with people’s abuse and test of my personal boundaries, and he doesn’t.
How our approaches have led to physical fighting
I tend to bottle it all up at the moment more often than not. I’m starting to become more assertive over the last few years, but I can still be a bit unpredictable and intense when I have one of my tantrums. I’ve unwittingly taken my anger and frustration at the world out on my partner and have thrown items at him and even bit or slapped him in the process.
Most recently, in one of these intense struggles, he accidentally scratched me open to the point of my arm bleeding. When this happened, and he realized it, he stopped, and we both calmed down, and he tended to my wounds. He’s definitely stronger than me physically, and I know that if he wanted to hurt me, it’d be much worse than scratches and a cut.
He could hurt me badly but never has, and we always come back to love
Luckily, I’ve never pissed him off to that point, even though I have cheated on him before. Even that still didn’t get that kind of physical reaction towards me. It’s his soft and gentle kisses and touches that make me the calmest and can take me all the way down sometimes to the point of getting lost in good emotions instead of the negative ones I carry with me a lot. The intensity and passion that I feel in our kisses, even after eight years plus, burns brightly.
We never go to bed without saying, “I love you.” I know that’s something that was lacking in his childhood and something I wished I had heard more often even though I had a supportive family growing up, unlike him.
A bright outlook, communication is key, and love carries the day
At the end of the day, with all of our struggles and all that we’ve already overcome, I realize that the thing that matters the most is that we both have someone who loves us to death.
That passion will continue to drive our relationship going forward, but hopefully, I get fewer and fewer episodes where I trigger the both of us into more physical fights and when I feel attacked or wrong, we should just use our words more and communicate how we’re feeling properly.
That way, at the end of the day, it won’t feel like sometimes we’re fighting each other’s vision for our future. I definitely want to get married and be more successful financially with him.
We’re both on disability, and this is something that neither one of us has experienced in a few years. In the times that I feel like our passion is so intense and it’s getting in our way, I think I just need to identify and recognize them and just move.
