Tinder Lessons > How to Stop Attracting Complete & Utter Dickheads
The 4 Step Spiritual Guide to Attracting Better Matches
Oh, Tinder. We love you. We hate you. We download you. We delete you.
So, where is your perfect match?
Your perfect match is waiting for you. They just can’t see you. Yet.
Finding true love is hard work, right? Wrong. This is what we have been led to believe. We believe that love is the be-all and end-all. We believe that love is the end game. We tell ourselves that we will be happy when we ‘have someone to laugh with,’ when we ‘have someone to buy a house with or to ‘share our life with.’ But, perhaps we’ve got it all wrong…
What if love isn’t the end game? What if love IS the game.
So, let’s play…
1. WHY AM I ATTRACTING COMPLETE & UTTER DICKHEADS?
One minute they are messaging you every 5 seconds asking when you are going to ‘Netflix and chill.’ Next, they have dropped you like a sack of s**t.
- Firstly, stop seeing these people as dickheads. They are simply a reflection of your current emotional state. Get honest with yourself.
- How do you feel if you get a message from someone?
- How do you feel if you don’t?
- How much of your happiness today depends on whether or not you receive some form of attention?
Oh s**t. That was a reality check, right?
Don’t worry. You can change this. These so-called ‘dickheads’ are a blessing in disguise. They are simply letting you know that you’ve got some inner work to do. They are reflecting your objection to go deep. Excuse the pun. How can you expect a real, meaningful and honest conversation with someone if you can’t have a real, meaningful and honest conversation with yourself?
Take a break from Tinder. It’s time to shift this pain. Ask yourself:
- What big, black hole are you trying to fill?
- What darkness lies within you that hurts like frickin’ hell?
Perhaps it’s:
- ‘I need to prove myself to them to make them like me’
- ‘I will never be as slim and pretty as my sister’
- ‘People always abandon me, it’s just what happens.’
Yes, this hurts. I know. Give yourself time to process this pain. Try taking the words out of your head and transmuting them into your body. Perhaps it’s a dull ache in your heart, or maybe a stab in your stomach.
Sit with it. Acknowledge it.
Thank this pain for what it is swirling, stirring and releasing within you. This doesn’t have to be a long drawn-out process. It may only take a few days. You may need a month. The more you can sit with it, the more you will shift. The more that you shift, the better matches you will attract.
You may find yourself yawning as you release, that’s ok. Take a big breathe in and welcome in some fresh energy to your heart space. You may want to visualise a colour as you do this. Perhaps you see a vibrant green expanding in your heart space, welcoming in a fresh, feisty and fun new relationship.
Or perhaps it’s a soft pink, welcoming in some tender love and care.
After you have submitted your heart for processing, you can get back in the game…
Get back on Tinder and get excited. You have now levelled up.
You are attracting a new breed - Hell yeah!
Keep swiping. Keep smiling. You’ve got this…
2. WHY AM I SEEING MY EX’S NAME POP UP EVERY 3 SECONDS?
Are you seeing your ex’s name pop up every three seconds?
Or maybe it’s your ex’s look alike. Is this a joke?
No. This is the Universe organising your very own algorithms.
How much anger, pain, fear or hurt do you still feel towards your ex? Oh baby, it’s ok to admit it. Get down on your knees and cry. Talk to someone, get a cuppa and take a break.
As shitty as this seems, it’s a miraculous sign. You are now ready to shift this pain and open yourself up to receiving something better. Put your ex’s name into the following phrase and say out loud three times:
‘I’m sorry ___________, I forgive you. I love you, thank you.’
(Based on Ho’oponopono by Hawaiian psychotherapist Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len)
As backward as this seems, it’s the only way. Trust me. By saying this statement you are hitting and healing the four corners of the heart. ❤
- ‘I’m Sorry’ — You are acknowledging that perhaps you too had a role to play in what went down. Ok, even if he did cheat on you, or ditch you, or ghost you. What energy were you projecting towards them?
Were you asking them to be something that they simply were not? Were you suffocating their growth and freedom? By saying I’m sorry, you are also freeing yourself from any guilt or shame in the part that you had to play.
2. ‘I Forgive You’ — Urghhh. This one’s a tough one, right?
What is it that you need to forgive them for? What pain were they carrying that they were not ready to face? Forgive them for not being ready to open up their heart to your love.
3. ‘I Love You’ — By using this statement you are acknowledging and accepting that you did in fact love them. Even if they did turn out to be a complete twat.
Sometimes this is hard to admit, especially when all your friends are getting defensive on your behalf. It’s okay to have loved. And it’s ok to have lost. Send some universal love their way through the ether. You never know. Perhaps they’re hurting too.
4. ‘Thank You’ — Whoaaaa. Powerful stuff. What blessings did you receive from this person? Did they teach you to slow down, to chill out? Did they open your mind to a whole new eclectic entourage of indie music? Or perhaps they simply taught you how to make really good roasties.
Thank them for all you’ve learnt, all the love and those little things.
Say this simple four-part phrase every day, as often as you can.
When you can visualise your Ex standing in front of you smiling as you say these words, then you know you’ve hit the jackpot…
You are now ready. Get back in the game.
Once again, you have levelled up. Allow yourself to enjoy the sweet-ass matches that are now flowing your way…
3. WHY AM I EMBARASSINGLY RE-MATCHING WITH THE SAME OLD TWATS?!
You took a break. You pressed pause. You deleted your entire account. Now you’re back. There’s nothing like the instant buzz of downloading the app again. It’s going to be different this time you tell yourself.
You rebuild your profile, add a new selfie and keep it cool in your bio; minimal words, a poignant emoji and the radiant self-love vibe. Plus, you make it clear that you have shit tons of friends of course.
You then debate whether to upload a photo of your dog…
Embarrassingly and painstakingly you find yourself re-matching with the same old twats. Again. Oh dear lord. I feel your pain.
So, what does this mean? What needs to shift?
The fact that you are re-matching simply means this…
You are at a vibrational and emotional standstill.
Huh?
Your thoughts, beliefs and actions have not altered since the last time you were here. You may have taken a break and built your confidence. You may have shown yourself some self-love.
You may have even finally got over your ex. Hallabloodylujah! BUT…
What thought are you holding that is holding YOU back?
Perhaps it’s ‘Well it always goes tits up anyway. I’m not expecting it to go any different this time.’ Or maybe it’s the running commentary ‘I will never find someone.’
Ask yourself now…
What is the heaviest thought that I have about dating?
S**t. That’s a realisation right.
Well, it’s time to switch it up, baby!
Today you are going to create one new ‘My Love Mantra’ that will smash old expectations and break the chain. This time IS going to be different. You are going to get a date. And it’s going to be absolutely bangin’.
My Love Mantra Examples:
- ‘I am open to being approached by people who are not my usual type - I feel super excited about what they might have to offer!’
- ‘I love going on all these dates. Through the hilarious contrast in experiences, I am getting clearer and clearer about what it is that I want and deserve. This is ultimately bringing me closer to my soulmate.’
- ‘There is no need to chase. I simply attract. I am in a constant flow of fun and hilarious dates.’
Get creative. Whack in an emoji if it helps you create that ultimate feeling.
I LOVE the peace emoji; it makes me feel like everything is easy breezy. It makes me feel in flow. Type your new ‘My Love (Emojified) Mantra’ out on a design app and make it look AWESOME. Now, set it as your screensaver.
Every time you look at your phone you are now raising your point of attraction. You are vibrating at a new frequency. When you change the frequency of a radio what happens?
Exactly. It changes to a whole new channel. A few Hz one way and you’re suddenly singing a whole new song. When you step into your power and take control of YOUR frequency, the Universe can only do ONE thing…
Send you something different.
In this case, NEW MATCHES! Watch as your old story begins to shift into something new. New matches present themselves easily and effortlessly. You can sit back and breathe my friend, ’cause you are in the flow for some fun.
Once again, you have levelled up.
4. HOW WILL I KNOW WHEN MY SOULMATE IS ABOUT TO APPEAR?
You’ve done the inner work. You’ve submitted your heart for processing, you’ve practised ho’oponopono and you’ve rewritten your my love mantra.
Finally, you’re not seeing you’re ex’s name pop up every three seconds; or re-matching with the same old twats. Hooray!
Now what?
You’re seeing signs and synchronicity everywhere.
Perhaps, you keep hearing a song that makes your heart flutter.
Maybe, you keep seeing your crush pop up all over social media.
Or perhaps, you’re seeing their name every other swipe.
Jack. Harry. Tom. Jack. Ryan. Jack. Felix. Logan. Jack.
Whatever the sign or synchronicity — it makes you feel excited!
If you have reached this stage, you are about to hit the jackpot.
A big love is about to enter your life.
You’ve been doing great work internally and you are about to be rewarded in the external realms.
Just don’t trip up on the last hurdle.
Do NOT take action.
You may think it’s Jack that you want…
Perhaps you’re tempted to send him a message.
But remember, the Universe may have something bigger and better planned for you. It may be Jack that you’re after. But, what about Joe?
Who’s Joe?
Joe has got everything that Jack’s got. And more.
He’s everything you ever wanted, plus the upgrades!
He’s more in line with your values, your personality and your desires than you could have ever imagined, plus, he’s good at this game too.
He’s been levelling up all this time and is now waiting just for you.
So, how do you find this so-called Joe?
Simply sit, surrender and get excited.
Allow the Universe to sort out the details for you.
Let your first meeting surprise you.
It’s all covered.
In fact, you can delete your dating apps.
You can trust that one day, very soon. You will cross paths.
And when it happens, you will laugh.
How easy it all was.
And so it be.
Oh, Tinder. I’m sorry. I forgive you.
I love you. Thank you.
#levelup
