Marriage & Relationship
Why Do Some People Believe That Marriage Means Attaining Internal Peace?
…from a heart-to-heart talk with an acquaintance 3-years ago
“Marry…so that we can find an internal peace…” he said.
That has been one 1-of the reasons for Asians’ culture about marriage especially coming from the Muslims. I have had numerous encounters with married couples who tasted their internal bliss after the 1st night. Most of the people who said this to me are men.
Into the 1st year and the woman’s pregnancy, the internal bliss shakes a little due to adapting to a different personality, environment, true colors, and changing expectations.
Does anyone of you ever experience this? If yes, then do know that such feelings or situation does not discriminate whether you are from the East or the West, Asian or non-Asians.
The nightmare will be when married couples start to doubt their relationship after their 1st night together. Separation is nothing new in this era.
From my childhood experience, I think marriage has not been given everlasting bliss or peace in most families. So, what is that internal peace men refer to?
It seems more like an excuse to get a woman into the bed for sex by a legal means of official marriage. Why? I hear frequent words of profanity and quarrels leading to blows or punches from a man in the house.
But in my 30s, truth revealed that all the toxic and abusive environment resulted from an evil spirit my late ancestors took as a helper. Besides that, another elderly took up some mystical, magical practices against the Islamic teachings. Not even biblically.
What internal bliss and peace can marriage bring behind closed doors? I met religious personnel who abuse their wife too. Why do they use the word “internal peace” as a reason for encouraging others to marry?
Sexual drive is one fraction of the reason. The couple will have sexual desire satiated while both neglect other areas.
I have a good exchange of thoughts with an acquaintance from another country.
He resides in the UK. He is not a Britain. His late grandparents migrated to the UK. We lost contact. Due to his profession as a CEO of a well-known business, I am keeping his identity hidden by using a different name — Blue.
“Blue, have you not thought about marriage? Why are you still single now? You have a growing business. Isn’t it time for you to settle down already?” I asked.
“I do want to marry one day. But it is not time yet. When the time comes, I will be able to have my frustrations completed by my life partner…” he said.
He referred his frustrations to his sexual desires. He weaned off by going to the gym. We were exchanging thoughts about marriage in Islam. He felt a woman should not wait too long to get married.
“Men and women are created with sexual desires. You should find a good man to marry. Find a good one like someone who is in the path of God, among the clans of da’wah and keep you safe from harm,” said Blue.
“What is the difference? You are single too. You knew your frustrations, yet you do not want to be married over an excuse of building your business empire. What is the hurry for a woman to be married, then?” I asked.
“Marry so that you have someone to turn to when your sexual desires come. Your husband is a companion to turn to for a listening ear. He will know how to calm you. And you will find peace…” he said.
Wow. Know how to calm you…That sounds tricky.
“Women have an inner child. That inner child always becomes a nuisance to herself. If she manages it well, that is good. But, the turmoil that boils from inner chatter causes the woman a lot of mess. Only her husband can help her with that.” he said.
So, it is how to tame the inner child, huh? Sound like how to tame the dragon movie.
“How does a husband help her with that?” I asked.
A man who openly discusses his desires and frustrations is who a woman ought to be careful. It can be red flags. Besides, it is common for a businessman to have many women around him.
My question caught Blue dumbfounded for a second.
“Let’s say that internal peace is a companion to lean on, through his sweet words, a listening ear for opinions, and not to rule out sex activities. Right?” I asked.
I caught him in the bull’s eyes. Bingo! He kept reminding us that women have sexual needs too. Who will live in self-denial about this fact coming from God, whatever our belief is?
“Blue, no woman can have internal peace without having time for herself and God. As simple as that. I feel that you are referring to the sexual activities as fun times for the woman’s inner child. Right after that, you will get more headaches handling your wife. Bear that in mind, Blue. Not everything is about sex,” I said.
For example, when a woman lives under a constant financial drain since childhood, her inner peace is not about having sex. She may think about how her husband and her finance will be should she get pregnant. What gives her internal peace is knowing the man she marries does not take advantage of her money.
You can’t rule out the struggle for internal peace if you are financially unstable. So, marriage with the excuse that you will have internal peace just by having sex to tame the inner child is not a good reason enough. I believe there is more than that fraction.
What is an internal peace in a marriage? What is an internal bliss?
